Toddler Kicks When Upset or During Tantrums
The short answer
Kicking is a common physical expression of big emotions in toddlers. Like hitting and biting, it stems from the gap between intense feelings and limited ability to express them verbally. Kicking often occurs during tantrums, diaper changes, or when being physically restrained. The approach is the same as for other physical aggression: stay calm, ensure safety, name the emotion, and teach alternatives consistently.
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By Age
What to expect by age
Kicking at this age often happens during diaper changes or when a toddler is being held against their will. It is usually not targeted at a person but is a full-body expression of frustration. Keep yourself safe, stay calm, and get through the necessary task. Name the feeling: "You do not want your diaper changed. I understand."
Kicking becomes more directed during tantrums. Your child may kick you, furniture, or other children. Create a safe space for your child to have big feelings. If they are kicking you, move out of range while staying present. "I am going to keep us both safe. I will stay right here but I will move back so you cannot kick me."
Teach specific alternatives: "If your body needs to kick, you can kick a pillow or stamp your feet on the floor." Practice these alternatives during calm moments. When kicking occurs, calmly redirect: "Remember, kick the pillow, not people."
Kicking should be rare by this age. If it persists, your child may need additional support with emotional regulation. Some children benefit from physical outlets like running, jumping on a trampoline, or other gross motor activities to channel physical energy from big emotions.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Kicking during tantrums in toddlers aged 1-3
- Kicking that decreases as your child develops better coping skills
- Kicking that occurs impulsively, not with planning or intent
- Your child can be redirected after calming down
- Kicking is frequent and targeted at other children
- Your child kicks hard enough to injure others
- Kicking increases rather than decreases with age
- Kicking is part of a broader pattern of physical aggression
- Your child injures others by kicking
- Aggressive behaviors are escalating and you cannot keep others safe
Sources
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Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician.
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Related Behavior Concerns
Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
Toddler Biting: When They Bite Others or Themselves
Biting is one of the most common and alarming toddler behaviors, but it is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Toddlers bite because they lack the language to express frustration, excitement, or overwhelm. They are not being malicious. Most children outgrow biting by age 3-3.5 as their communication skills develop. In the meantime, respond consistently: remove the child, state the limit calmly, and help them express the underlying need.
Teaching Toddlers to Manage Anger
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. The goal is not to prevent your toddler from feeling angry but to teach them safe ways to express and manage anger. Toddlers lack the brain development to regulate strong emotions independently - they need your calm, consistent coaching over many years. Punishing anger teaches children to suppress it rather than manage it.
Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns
Tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes.
Aggressive Play vs Normal Play
Rough-and-tumble play — wrestling, chasing, play-fighting, and superhero battles — is a normal and important part of child development, particularly for toddlers and preschoolers. It helps children develop physical coordination, social skills, self-regulation, and an understanding of boundaries. The key distinction between normal rough play and concerning aggression is whether both children are having fun, there is turn-taking in roles, and no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other.
My Toddler Is Aggressive Toward Pets
Toddlers being rough with pets is extremely common and almost never reflects true aggression or cruelty. Young children lack the motor control to be consistently gentle and do not yet understand that animals feel pain the way they do. With patient, consistent teaching about gentle touch and close supervision, most toddlers learn to interact safely with pets by age 3-4.