Teaching Toddlers to Manage Anger
Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist
Content reviewed against published AAP, Zero to Three, CDC guidelines
Last reviewed:
Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed teaching toddlers to manage anger, here is what you need to know.
The short answer
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. The goal is not to prevent your toddler from feeling angry but to teach them safe ways to express and manage anger. Toddlers lack the brain development to regulate strong emotions independently - they need your calm, consistent coaching over many years. Punishing anger teaches children to suppress it rather than manage it.
Key takeaways
- Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. The goal is not to prevent your toddler from feeling angry but to teach them safe ways to express and manage anger. Toddlers lack the brain development to regulate strong emotions independently - they need your calm, consistent coaching over many years. Punishing anger teaches children to suppress it rather than manage it.
- Usually normal when: Your toddler gets angry - anger is a normal emotion
- Call your doctor if: Your child injures themselves or others during anger episodes
- Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below
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What Parents Should Know
According to AAP, Zero to Three, CDC guidelines, anger is a normal, healthy emotion. The goal is not to prevent your toddler from feeling angry but to teach them safe ways to express and manage anger. Toddlers lack the brain development to regulate strong emotions independently - they need your calm, consistent coaching over many years. Punishing anger teaches children to suppress it rather than manage it. At 12-24 months, young toddlers express anger physically because they have no words for it. Expect hitting, biting, throwing, and screaming when frustrated. Stay calm, stop unsafe behavior gently, and name the emotion: "You are angry because I took that away." This builds the foundation. It is generally considered normal when your toddler gets angry - anger is a normal emotion. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child injures themselves or others during anger episodes.
Normal vs. Concerning
By Age
What to expect by age
12-24 months
Young toddlers express anger physically because they have no words for it. Expect hitting, biting, throwing, and screaming when frustrated. Stay calm, stop unsafe behavior gently, and name the emotion: "You are angry because I took that away." This builds the foundation.
2-3 years
Your child can begin learning simple anger management: stomping feet instead of hitting, squeezing a stuffed animal, or saying "I am mad." Model calm anger yourself. When your child sees you say "I am frustrated but I am going to take a deep breath," they learn regulation by watching you.
3-4 years
Children can learn to use words, take space, or use calming tools when angry. Create a calm-down kit with putty, a stress ball, or feelings cards. Practice these strategies when your child is calm so they are accessible during anger. Be patient - this takes hundreds of repetitions.
4-5 years
Children develop better impulse control and can start using strategies independently, though they still need reminders. Help them identify anger triggers and body signals (clenched fists, hot face). Problem-solving after anger episodes teaches valuable skills.
What to Tell Your Pediatrician
- Describe when you first noticed teaching toddlers to manage anger and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if anger seems disproportionate to triggers and is very intense.
- Mention if your child is aggressive toward others frequently.
- Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Your toddler gets angry - anger is a normal emotion
- Physical expressions of anger in young toddlers who lack verbal skills
- Anger that resolves and your child can return to play
- Gradual improvement in managing anger with age and coaching
- Anger seems disproportionate to triggers and is very intense
- Your child is aggressive toward others frequently
- Anger episodes last very long and your child cannot recover
- Your child seems angry most of the time, not just in specific situations
- Your child injures themselves or others during anger episodes
- You are worried about your own anger in response to your child
What You Can Do at Home
- Keep track of when you notice teaching toddlers to manage anger — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
- Remember that your toddler gets angry - anger is a normal emotion — this is generally within the range of normal.
- At 12-24 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
- Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
- While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child injures themselves or others during anger episodes.
Related Conditions
Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns
Tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes.
Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
Toddler Biting: When They Bite Others or Themselves
Biting is one of the most common and alarming toddler behaviors, but it is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Toddlers bite because they lack the language to express frustration, excitement, or overwhelm. They are not being malicious. Most children outgrow biting by age 3-3.5 as their communication skills develop. In the meantime, respond consistently: remove the child, state the limit calmly, and help them express the underlying need.
Teaching Emotional Regulation to Toddlers
Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to emotions appropriately. Toddlers are just beginning to develop this skill, and it is not fully mature until the mid-20s. Your child is not choosing to be out of control - the brain regions responsible for regulation are literally still under construction. You are your child's external regulator until they develop internal skills.
Related Resources
Frequently asked questions
Is teaching toddlers to manage anger normal?
When should I call the doctor about teaching toddlers to manage anger?
When is teaching toddlers to manage anger normal?
What causes teaching toddlers to manage anger?
What should I mention to my pediatrician about teaching toddlers to manage anger?
Is teaching toddlers to manage anger normal at 12-24 months?
Is teaching toddlers to manage anger normal at 2-3 years?
Should I go to the ER for teaching toddlers to manage anger?
Does teaching toddlers to manage anger go away on its own?
References
- [1]American Academy of Pediatrics. How to Shape and Manage Your Child's Behavior. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
- [2]Zero to Three. Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers. Zero to Three
- [3]Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Positive Parenting Tips: Toddlers. CDC
Doctor Visit Checklist
Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Teaching Toddlers to Manage Anger.
Things to mention
- Describe when you first noticed teaching toddlers to manage anger and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if anger seems disproportionate to triggers and is very intense.
- Mention if your child is aggressive toward others frequently.
- Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
Observations to share
- Anger seems disproportionate to triggers and is very intense
- Your child is aggressive toward others frequently
- Anger episodes last very long and your child cannot recover
Urgent signs to report immediately
- Your child injures themselves or others during anger episodes
- You are worried about your own anger in response to your child
My notes
From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides
All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.
2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members
Related Resources
Bottom line
Most cases of teaching toddlers to manage anger are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child injures themselves or others during anger episodes.
Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.
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Related Behavior Concerns
Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns
Tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes.
Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
Toddler Biting: When They Bite Others or Themselves
Biting is one of the most common and alarming toddler behaviors, but it is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Toddlers bite because they lack the language to express frustration, excitement, or overwhelm. They are not being malicious. Most children outgrow biting by age 3-3.5 as their communication skills develop. In the meantime, respond consistently: remove the child, state the limit calmly, and help them express the underlying need.
Teaching Emotional Regulation to Toddlers
Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to emotions appropriately. Toddlers are just beginning to develop this skill, and it is not fully mature until the mid-20s. Your child is not choosing to be out of control - the brain regions responsible for regulation are literally still under construction. You are your child's external regulator until they develop internal skills.
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