Behavior & Social

Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated

Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist

Content reviewed against published AAP, Zero to Three, NIH guidelines

Editorial policy

Last reviewed:

Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed toddler hits when angry or frustrated, here is what you need to know.

The short answer

Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.

Key takeaways

  • Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
  • Usually normal when: Toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age
  • Call your doctor if: Your child injures other children seriously
  • Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below

Thousands of parents search for this exact thing. You are not alone.

What Parents Should Know

According to AAP, Zero to Three, NIH guidelines, hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions. At 12-18 months, hitting at this age is often experimental or a response to overwhelming emotion. Your child does not understand that hitting hurts others. Gently catch their hand, say "Gentle hands" and show them how to touch gently. Stay calm and consistent. It is generally considered normal when toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child injures other children seriously.

Sources: [1], [2], [3]

Normal vs. Concerning

Usually Normal
Worth Discussing
Toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age
Your child injures other children seriously
Hitting decreases as communication and regulation skills develop
Hitting is part of a pattern of escalating aggression
Your child does not plan attacks but hits impulsively in the moment
Hitting is increasing in frequency or intensity
Hitting is limited to certain triggers like frustration or overwhelm
Your child hits frequently at daycare and is being sent home

By Age

What to expect by age

12-18 months

Hitting at this age is often experimental or a response to overwhelming emotion. Your child does not understand that hitting hurts others. Gently catch their hand, say "Gentle hands" and show them how to touch gently. Stay calm and consistent.

18-30 months

Hitting increases as emotions intensify. Your child may hit you, other children, or themselves when frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed. Stay close during playdates, intervene before hitting when possible, and consistently remove them when they hit. "I will not let you hit. Hitting hurts."

2.5-4 years

As language develops, teach specific alternatives: "When you are angry, you can stamp your feet, squeeze your hands, or say I am mad. You may not hit." This takes hundreds of repetitions over months or years. Praise every time they use words instead of hitting.

4-5 years

Hitting should be rare by this age. If your child still frequently hits peers or adults, or if hitting is increasing rather than decreasing, discuss with your pediatrician. Consider whether your child needs support with emotional regulation or social skills.

What to Tell Your Pediatrician

  • Describe when you first noticed toddler hits when angry or frustrated and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if hitting is increasing in frequency or intensity.
  • Mention if your child hits frequently at daycare and is being sent home.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

What Should You Do?

When to take action

Probably normal when...
  • Toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age
  • Hitting decreases as communication and regulation skills develop
  • Your child does not plan attacks but hits impulsively in the moment
  • Hitting is limited to certain triggers like frustration or overwhelm
Mention at your next visit when...
  • Hitting is increasing in frequency or intensity
  • Your child hits frequently at daycare and is being sent home
  • Hitting continues past age 4 without improvement
  • Your child seems to enjoy hurting others or shows no concern afterward
Act now when...
  • Your child injures other children seriously
  • Hitting is part of a pattern of escalating aggression

What You Can Do at Home

  • Keep track of when you notice toddler hits when angry or frustrated — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
  • Remember that toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age — this is generally within the range of normal.
  • At 12-18 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
  • Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
  • While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child injures other children seriously.

Toddler Biting: When They Bite Others or Themselves

Biting is one of the most common and alarming toddler behaviors, but it is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Toddlers bite because they lack the language to express frustration, excitement, or overwhelm. They are not being malicious. Most children outgrow biting by age 3-3.5 as their communication skills develop. In the meantime, respond consistently: remove the child, state the limit calmly, and help them express the underlying need.

Toddler Kicks When Upset or During Tantrums

Kicking is a common physical expression of big emotions in toddlers. Like hitting and biting, it stems from the gap between intense feelings and limited ability to express them verbally. Kicking often occurs during tantrums, diaper changes, or when being physically restrained. The approach is the same as for other physical aggression: stay calm, ensure safety, name the emotion, and teach alternatives consistently.

Teaching Toddlers to Manage Anger

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. The goal is not to prevent your toddler from feeling angry but to teach them safe ways to express and manage anger. Toddlers lack the brain development to regulate strong emotions independently - they need your calm, consistent coaching over many years. Punishing anger teaches children to suppress it rather than manage it.

Teaching Toddlers Gentle Hands and Gentle Touch

Teaching "gentle hands" is one of the most important and most repeated lessons of the toddler years. Young children genuinely do not understand their own strength or that their actions cause pain. Gentle touch must be actively taught and demonstrated hundreds of times. It is a skill that develops gradually through patient, consistent modeling and practice - not through punishment.

Milestone

Month-by-Month Development

Detailed monthly development guides from birth through 24 months.

Guide

When to Call the Doctor

General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.

Frequently asked questions

Is toddler hits when angry or frustrated normal?
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
When should I call the doctor about toddler hits when angry or frustrated?
Your child injures other children seriously Hitting is part of a pattern of escalating aggression
When is toddler hits when angry or frustrated normal?
Toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age Hitting decreases as communication and regulation skills develop Your child does not plan attacks but hits impulsively in the moment
What causes toddler hits when angry or frustrated?
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions. Common explanations include: Toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age. Hitting decreases as communication and regulation skills develop.
What should I mention to my pediatrician about toddler hits when angry or frustrated?
You should mention toddler hits when angry or frustrated at your next visit if: Hitting is increasing in frequency or intensity. Your child hits frequently at daycare and is being sent home. Hitting continues past age 4 without improvement.
Is toddler hits when angry or frustrated normal at 12-18 months?
Hitting at this age is often experimental or a response to overwhelming emotion. Your child does not understand that hitting hurts others. Gently catch their hand, say "Gentle hands" and show them how to touch gently. Stay calm and consistent.
Is toddler hits when angry or frustrated normal at 18-30 months?
Hitting increases as emotions intensify. Your child may hit you, other children, or themselves when frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed. Stay close during playdates, intervene before hitting when possible, and consistently remove them when they hit. "I will not let you hit. Hitting hurts."
Should I go to the ER for toddler hits when angry or frustrated?
Seek emergency care if your child injures other children seriously, or if hitting is part of a pattern of escalating aggression. When in doubt, call your pediatrician's after-hours line for guidance.
Does toddler hits when angry or frustrated go away on its own?
In many cases, toddler hits when angry or frustrated resolves on its own, especially when toddlers hit - it is one of the most common behaviors at this age. By 4-5 years, hitting should be rare by this age. If your child still frequently hits peers or adults, or if hitting is increasing rather than decreasing, discuss with your pediatrician. Consider whether your child needs support with emotional regulation or social skills.
AAPZERO TO THREENIH

References

  1. [1]American Academy of Pediatrics. Aggressive Behavior. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
  2. [2]Zero to Three. Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers. Zero to Three
  3. [3]Tremblay RE et al. Physical aggression during early childhood. Pediatrics. 2004;114(1):e43-e50. NIH

Doctor Visit Checklist

Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated.

Things to mention

  • Describe when you first noticed toddler hits when angry or frustrated and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if hitting is increasing in frequency or intensity.
  • Mention if your child hits frequently at daycare and is being sent home.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

Observations to share

  • Hitting is increasing in frequency or intensity
  • Your child hits frequently at daycare and is being sent home
  • Hitting continues past age 4 without improvement

Urgent signs to report immediately

  • Your child injures other children seriously
  • Hitting is part of a pattern of escalating aggression

My notes

From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides

All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.

2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members

Related Resources

Baby Tracker

Bottom line

Most cases of toddler hits when angry or frustrated are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child injures other children seriously.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.

Share:FacebookX

Was this page helpful?

Related Behavior Concerns

Toddler Biting: When They Bite Others or Themselves

Biting is one of the most common and alarming toddler behaviors, but it is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Toddlers bite because they lack the language to express frustration, excitement, or overwhelm. They are not being malicious. Most children outgrow biting by age 3-3.5 as their communication skills develop. In the meantime, respond consistently: remove the child, state the limit calmly, and help them express the underlying need.

Toddler Kicks When Upset or During Tantrums

Kicking is a common physical expression of big emotions in toddlers. Like hitting and biting, it stems from the gap between intense feelings and limited ability to express them verbally. Kicking often occurs during tantrums, diaper changes, or when being physically restrained. The approach is the same as for other physical aggression: stay calm, ensure safety, name the emotion, and teach alternatives consistently.

Teaching Toddlers to Manage Anger

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. The goal is not to prevent your toddler from feeling angry but to teach them safe ways to express and manage anger. Toddlers lack the brain development to regulate strong emotions independently - they need your calm, consistent coaching over many years. Punishing anger teaches children to suppress it rather than manage it.

Teaching Toddlers Gentle Hands and Gentle Touch

Teaching "gentle hands" is one of the most important and most repeated lessons of the toddler years. Young children genuinely do not understand their own strength or that their actions cause pain. Gentle touch must be actively taught and demonstrated hundreds of times. It is a skill that develops gradually through patient, consistent modeling and practice - not through punishment.

Bonding and Attachment Timeline for Adopted Babies

Bonding with an adopted baby is a real and achievable process, but it may follow a different timeline than biological bonding. Many adoptive parents feel a strong connection quickly, while for others it develops gradually over weeks or months. Consistent, responsive caregiving is the single most important factor in building secure attachment, regardless of how your family was formed.

Aggressive Play vs Normal Play

Rough-and-tumble play — wrestling, chasing, play-fighting, and superhero battles — is a normal and important part of child development, particularly for toddlers and preschoolers. It helps children develop physical coordination, social skills, self-regulation, and an understanding of boundaries. The key distinction between normal rough play and concerning aggression is whether both children are having fun, there is turn-taking in roles, and no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other.