Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns
Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist
Content reviewed against published AAP, CDC, AAP guidelines
Last reviewed:
Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed toddler tantrums and meltdowns, here is what you need to know.
The short answer
Tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes.
Key takeaways
- Tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes.
- Usually normal when: Tantrums happen about once a day on average and last under 15 minutes
- Call your doctor if: Your child holds their breath during a tantrum and loses consciousness for more than a few seconds, turns blue, or seems confused afterward - while brief breath-holding spells are usually harmless, your doctor should be aware
- Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below
Parents everywhere have the same worry. You are doing the right thing by looking into it.
What Parents Should Know
According to AAP, CDC guidelines, tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes. At 12-18 months, tantrums often begin appearing around the first birthday as babies develop strong preferences and desires but have almost no ability to communicate them or handle the frustration of not getting what they want. These early tantrums tend to be shorter and are often related to hunger, tiredness, or being told "no." They may include crying, arching the back, or going stiff. It is generally considered normal when tantrums happen about once a day on average and last under 15 minutes. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child holds their breath during a tantrum and loses consciousness for more than a few seconds, turns blue, or seems confused afterward - while brief breath-holding spells are usually harmless, your doctor should be aware.
Normal vs. Concerning
By Age
What to expect by age
12-18 months
Tantrums often begin appearing around the first birthday as babies develop strong preferences and desires but have almost no ability to communicate them or handle the frustration of not getting what they want. These early tantrums tend to be shorter and are often related to hunger, tiredness, or being told "no." They may include crying, arching the back, or going stiff.
18 months - 2 years
This is when tantrums often intensify. Your toddler understands so much more than they can express, creating a frustrating communication gap. Tantrums may include screaming, throwing themselves on the floor, kicking, or hitting. These are not manipulative - your toddler is genuinely overwhelmed. Staying calm and present (even if you need to just sit nearby) is the most helpful thing you can do.
2-3 years
The peak of tantrum frequency for most children. Two-year-olds are developing a strong sense of independence ("Me do it!") while also lacking the skills to manage when things do not go as planned. Tantrums may seem to happen over tiny things, but to your toddler, the broken banana is a genuine crisis. Acknowledging their feelings ("You wanted the banana whole. That's so frustrating.") helps them feel understood.
3-4 years
Tantrums typically begin to decrease in frequency and intensity as language, reasoning, and emotional regulation skills improve. Your child may start to be able to use words during meltdowns or recover more quickly. If tantrums are still very frequent (more than 5 per day), lasting longer than 25 minutes, or getting more intense rather than less, it is worth discussing with your pediatrician.
4+ years
Occasional meltdowns are still normal at this age, especially when children are tired, hungry, or dealing with big transitions. However, daily intense tantrums in a child over 4, especially if they involve self-harm, prolonged aggression, or an inability to calm down, may benefit from evaluation. Your pediatrician can help determine if additional support would be helpful.
What to Tell Your Pediatrician
- Describe when you first noticed toddler tantrums and meltdowns and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if tantrums are happening more than 5 times per day or routinely lasting longer than 25 minutes.
- Mention if your child regularly hurts themselves during tantrums (head banging, biting, scratching) in ways that leave marks.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Tantrums happen about once a day on average and last under 15 minutes
- Your toddler has tantrums when tired, hungry, frustrated, or told "no" - these are the most common and normal triggers
- Your child recovers from tantrums and returns to their normal, happy self relatively quickly
- Tantrums are most intense between ages 2-3 and are gradually becoming less frequent
- Your toddler sometimes holds their breath during a tantrum until they briefly pass out - while terrifying, breath-holding spells are involuntary and not dangerous
- Tantrums are happening more than 5 times per day or routinely lasting longer than 25 minutes
- Your child regularly hurts themselves during tantrums (head banging, biting, scratching) in ways that leave marks
- Tantrums are getting worse rather than better after age 3-4, or are becoming more intense and harder to recover from
- Your child has tantrums that seem to come out of nowhere with no identifiable trigger
- Your child holds their breath during a tantrum and loses consciousness for more than a few seconds, turns blue, or seems confused afterward - while brief breath-holding spells are usually harmless, your doctor should be aware
- Your child seems unable to be consoled or calm down for extended periods (over 30-45 minutes) on a regular basis, which could indicate underlying anxiety, sensory overload, or pain
- Tantrums are accompanied by a sudden loss of previously acquired skills or a significant change in personality or behavior
What You Can Do at Home
- Keep track of when you notice toddler tantrums and meltdowns — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
- Remember that tantrums happen about once a day on average and last under 15 minutes — this is generally within the range of normal.
- At 12-18 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
- Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
- While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child holds their breath during a tantrum and loses consciousness for more than a few seconds, turns blue, or seems confused afterward - while brief breath-holding spells are usually harmless, your doctor should be aware.
Related Resources
Milestone Checklists by Age
Track your baby's developmental milestones from birth to 5 years with age-specific checklists.
Month-by-Month Development
Detailed monthly development guides from birth through 24 months.
When to Call the Doctor
General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.
Frequently asked questions
Is toddler tantrums and meltdowns normal?
When should I call the doctor about toddler tantrums and meltdowns?
When is toddler tantrums and meltdowns normal?
What causes toddler tantrums and meltdowns?
What should I mention to my pediatrician about toddler tantrums and meltdowns?
Is toddler tantrums and meltdowns normal at 12-18 months?
Is toddler tantrums and meltdowns normal at 18 months - 2 years?
Should I go to the ER for toddler tantrums and meltdowns?
Does toddler tantrums and meltdowns go away on its own?
References
- [1]American Academy of Pediatrics. Temper Tantrums. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
- [2]Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Positive Parenting Tips: Toddlers (2-3 years). CDC
- [3]Belden AC, Thomson NR, Luby JL. Temper Tantrums in Healthy Versus Depressed and Disruptive Preschoolers. Journal of Pediatrics. 2008;152(1):117-122. AAP
Doctor Visit Checklist
Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns.
Things to mention
- Describe when you first noticed toddler tantrums and meltdowns and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if tantrums are happening more than 5 times per day or routinely lasting longer than 25 minutes.
- Mention if your child regularly hurts themselves during tantrums (head banging, biting, scratching) in ways that leave marks.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
Observations to share
- Tantrums are happening more than 5 times per day or routinely lasting longer than 25 minutes
- Your child regularly hurts themselves during tantrums (head banging, biting, scratching) in ways that leave marks
- Tantrums are getting worse rather than better after age 3-4, or are becoming more intense and harder to recover from
Urgent signs to report immediately
- Your child holds their breath during a tantrum and loses consciousness for more than a few seconds, turns blue, or seems confused afterward - while brief breath-holding spells are usually harmless, your doctor should be aware
- Your child seems unable to be consoled or calm down for extended periods (over 30-45 minutes) on a regular basis, which could indicate underlying anxiety, sensory overload, or pain
- Tantrums are accompanied by a sudden loss of previously acquired skills or a significant change in personality or behavior
My notes
From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides
All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.
2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members
Related Resources
Bottom line
Most cases of toddler tantrums and meltdowns are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child holds their breath during a tantrum and loses consciousness for more than a few seconds, turns blue, or seems confused afterward - while brief breath-holding spells are usually harmless, your doctor should be aware.
Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.
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