Toddler Scratches Others When Upset
Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist
Content reviewed against published Zero to Three, AAP, CDC guidelines
Last reviewed:
Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed toddler scratches others when upset, here is what you need to know.
The short answer
Scratching is a common form of physical aggression in toddlers, often occurring alongside hitting and biting. Like other physical behaviors, it stems from frustration and limited communication skills. Keeping nails trimmed short can reduce injury while you work on teaching alternatives. The same approach applies as with other physical aggression: stay calm, stop the behavior, name the feeling, and teach what to do instead.
Key takeaways
- Scratching is a common form of physical aggression in toddlers, often occurring alongside hitting and biting. Like other physical behaviors, it stems from frustration and limited communication skills. Keeping nails trimmed short can reduce injury while you work on teaching alternatives. The same approach applies as with other physical aggression: stay calm, stop the behavior, name the feeling, and teach what to do instead.
- Usually normal when: Occasional scratching in toddlers under age 3
- Call your doctor if: Scratching causes wounds that may need medical attention
- Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below
Parents everywhere have the same worry. You are doing the right thing by looking into it.
What Parents Should Know
According to Zero to Three, AAP, CDC guidelines, scratching is a common form of physical aggression in toddlers, often occurring alongside hitting and biting. Like other physical behaviors, it stems from frustration and limited communication skills. Keeping nails trimmed short can reduce injury while you work on teaching alternatives. The same approach applies as with other physical aggression: stay calm, stop the behavior, name the feeling, and teach what to do instead. At 6-12 months, babies scratch faces (their own and yours) mainly because they have poor motor control and their nails are sharp. This is not aggressive behavior. Keep nails trimmed and filed. When baby grabs your face, gently move their hand and say "Gentle touch.". It is generally considered normal when occasional scratching in toddlers under age 3. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if scratching causes wounds that may need medical attention.
Normal vs. Concerning
By Age
What to expect by age
6-12 months
Babies scratch faces (their own and yours) mainly because they have poor motor control and their nails are sharp. This is not aggressive behavior. Keep nails trimmed and filed. When baby grabs your face, gently move their hand and say "Gentle touch."
12-24 months
Scratching becomes more intentional as a way to express frustration or get a reaction. Your toddler may scratch during struggles over toys or when they do not want to be held. Keep nails short, intervene quickly, and model gentle touching. "Hands are for gentle touches, not scratching."
2-3 years
If scratching persists, be consistent with your response: calmly remove your child, attend to the person who was scratched first (this avoids reinforcing the behavior with attention), then address your child. "Scratching hurts. I see you were angry. You can use your words instead."
3-5 years
Scratching should decrease significantly. If it continues, your child may need additional support with impulse control and emotional expression. Talk about what happened after everyone is calm: "What were you feeling? What could you do next time instead?"
What to Tell Your Pediatrician
- Describe when you first noticed toddler scratches others when upset and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if scratching is frequent and causing injury to others.
- Mention if your child scratches themselves deliberately when upset.
- Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Occasional scratching in toddlers under age 3
- Scratching that occurs during moments of frustration or conflict
- Scratching decreases as communication improves
- Your child can be redirected after the episode
- Scratching is frequent and causing injury to others
- Your child scratches themselves deliberately when upset
- Scratching continues past age 3 despite consistent intervention
- Scratching is part of a broader pattern of aggression
- Scratching causes wounds that may need medical attention
- Your child is injuring themselves through scratching
What You Can Do at Home
- Keep track of when you notice toddler scratches others when upset — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
- Remember that occasional scratching in toddlers under age 3 — this is generally within the range of normal.
- At 6-12 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
- Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
- While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if scratching causes wounds that may need medical attention.
Related Conditions
Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
Toddler Pinches Others
Pinching is a common toddler behavior that usually emerges between 12-30 months. Like other forms of physical aggression, it happens because toddlers experience emotions they cannot yet express with words. Pinching can also be a sensory-seeking behavior or an attempt to get a reaction. The key is consistent, calm intervention: stop the behavior, name the feeling, and teach an alternative.
Toddler Pulls Hair
Hair pulling is common in babies and toddlers. Young babies pull hair because they are fascinated by grasping and do not understand it hurts. Toddlers may pull hair during conflicts, out of frustration, or because it gets a strong reaction. Some children also pull their own hair as a self-soothing or stress behavior. The response depends on the age and motivation.
Teaching Toddlers Gentle Hands and Gentle Touch
Teaching "gentle hands" is one of the most important and most repeated lessons of the toddler years. Young children genuinely do not understand their own strength or that their actions cause pain. Gentle touch must be actively taught and demonstrated hundreds of times. It is a skill that develops gradually through patient, consistent modeling and practice - not through punishment.
Related Resources
Frequently asked questions
Is toddler scratches others when upset normal?
When should I call the doctor about toddler scratches others when upset?
When is toddler scratches others when upset normal?
What causes toddler scratches others when upset?
What should I mention to my pediatrician about toddler scratches others when upset?
Is toddler scratches others when upset normal at 6-12 months?
Is toddler scratches others when upset normal at 12-24 months?
Should I go to the ER for toddler scratches others when upset?
Does toddler scratches others when upset go away on its own?
References
- [1]Zero to Three. Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers. Zero to Three
- [2]American Academy of Pediatrics. Aggressive Behavior. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
- [3]Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Positive Parenting Tips. CDC
Doctor Visit Checklist
Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Toddler Scratches Others When Upset.
Things to mention
- Describe when you first noticed toddler scratches others when upset and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if scratching is frequent and causing injury to others.
- Mention if your child scratches themselves deliberately when upset.
- Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
Observations to share
- Scratching is frequent and causing injury to others
- Your child scratches themselves deliberately when upset
- Scratching continues past age 3 despite consistent intervention
Urgent signs to report immediately
- Scratching causes wounds that may need medical attention
- Your child is injuring themselves through scratching
My notes
From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides
All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.
2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members
Related Resources
Bottom line
Most cases of toddler scratches others when upset are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if scratching causes wounds that may need medical attention.
Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.
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Related Behavior Concerns
Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
Toddler Pinches Others
Pinching is a common toddler behavior that usually emerges between 12-30 months. Like other forms of physical aggression, it happens because toddlers experience emotions they cannot yet express with words. Pinching can also be a sensory-seeking behavior or an attempt to get a reaction. The key is consistent, calm intervention: stop the behavior, name the feeling, and teach an alternative.
Toddler Pulls Hair
Hair pulling is common in babies and toddlers. Young babies pull hair because they are fascinated by grasping and do not understand it hurts. Toddlers may pull hair during conflicts, out of frustration, or because it gets a strong reaction. Some children also pull their own hair as a self-soothing or stress behavior. The response depends on the age and motivation.
Teaching Toddlers Gentle Hands and Gentle Touch
Teaching "gentle hands" is one of the most important and most repeated lessons of the toddler years. Young children genuinely do not understand their own strength or that their actions cause pain. Gentle touch must be actively taught and demonstrated hundreds of times. It is a skill that develops gradually through patient, consistent modeling and practice - not through punishment.
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Aggressive Play vs Normal Play
Rough-and-tumble play — wrestling, chasing, play-fighting, and superhero battles — is a normal and important part of child development, particularly for toddlers and preschoolers. It helps children develop physical coordination, social skills, self-regulation, and an understanding of boundaries. The key distinction between normal rough play and concerning aggression is whether both children are having fun, there is turn-taking in roles, and no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other.