Toddler Pulls Hair
The short answer
Hair pulling is common in babies and toddlers. Young babies pull hair because they are fascinated by grasping and do not understand it hurts. Toddlers may pull hair during conflicts, out of frustration, or because it gets a strong reaction. Some children also pull their own hair as a self-soothing or stress behavior. The response depends on the age and motivation.
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By Age
What to expect by age
Babies grab and pull hair as part of normal motor exploration. They are practicing their grasp and do not understand they are causing pain. Calmly unwrap their fingers, say "Gentle" and guide their hand to pat instead. Keep your hair tied back if possible.
Hair pulling can become a go-to behavior during frustration or conflict because it is effective - the other person reacts strongly. Stay calm to avoid reinforcing the behavior with a big reaction. Gently remove their hand, say "No pulling hair. That hurts." and redirect.
If hair pulling continues, work on teaching alternatives. Some children pull their own hair when stressed, which is a different behavior that may need monitoring. For peer hair-pulling, stay close during play and intervene early when you see frustration building.
Hair pulling of others should be rare by this age. If your child pulls their own hair, creating bald patches or doing it frequently when stressed, this could be trichotillomania and should be discussed with your pediatrician.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Babies grabbing and pulling hair as part of exploration
- Occasional hair pulling during toddler conflicts
- Hair pulling decreases as communication skills develop
- Your child can be redirected after the behavior
- Your child pulls their own hair frequently, creating bald patches
- Hair pulling of others continues past age 3
- Hair pulling is part of a broader pattern of aggressive behavior
- Your child pulls hair in a ritualistic or compulsive way
- Your child is causing injury through hair pulling
- Your child has noticeable hair loss from pulling their own hair
Sources
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Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician.
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Related Behavior Concerns
Toddler Scratches Others When Upset
Scratching is a common form of physical aggression in toddlers, often occurring alongside hitting and biting. Like other physical behaviors, it stems from frustration and limited communication skills. Keeping nails trimmed short can reduce injury while you work on teaching alternatives. The same approach applies as with other physical aggression: stay calm, stop the behavior, name the feeling, and teach what to do instead.
Toddler Pinches Others
Pinching is a common toddler behavior that usually emerges between 12-30 months. Like other forms of physical aggression, it happens because toddlers experience emotions they cannot yet express with words. Pinching can also be a sensory-seeking behavior or an attempt to get a reaction. The key is consistent, calm intervention: stop the behavior, name the feeling, and teach an alternative.
Toddler Hits When Angry or Frustrated
Hitting is one of the most common toddler behaviors and is developmentally normal between ages 1-3. Your toddler hits because their emotions are bigger than their ability to manage them, and physical expression is their most available tool. Hitting does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are failing as a parent. Respond by calmly stopping the behavior, naming the emotion, and teaching alternatives over many, many repetitions.
Teaching Toddlers Gentle Hands and Gentle Touch
Teaching "gentle hands" is one of the most important and most repeated lessons of the toddler years. Young children genuinely do not understand their own strength or that their actions cause pain. Gentle touch must be actively taught and demonstrated hundreds of times. It is a skill that develops gradually through patient, consistent modeling and practice - not through punishment.
Aggressive Play vs Normal Play
Rough-and-tumble play — wrestling, chasing, play-fighting, and superhero battles — is a normal and important part of child development, particularly for toddlers and preschoolers. It helps children develop physical coordination, social skills, self-regulation, and an understanding of boundaries. The key distinction between normal rough play and concerning aggression is whether both children are having fun, there is turn-taking in roles, and no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other.
My Toddler Is Aggressive Toward Pets
Toddlers being rough with pets is extremely common and almost never reflects true aggression or cruelty. Young children lack the motor control to be consistently gentle and do not yet understand that animals feel pain the way they do. With patient, consistent teaching about gentle touch and close supervision, most toddlers learn to interact safely with pets by age 3-4.