Behavior & Social

Toddler Being Aggressive at Daycare

Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist

Content reviewed against published AAP, CDC, NIH guidelines

Editorial policy

Last reviewed:

Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed toddler being aggressive at daycare, here is what you need to know.

The short answer

Aggressive behavior at daycare - hitting, biting, pushing, or grabbing - is very common in toddlers, particularly between ages 1-3. Toddlers are still developing impulse control, emotional regulation, and communication skills, and they often resort to physical behavior when they are frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, or unable to express their needs verbally. This does not mean your toddler is a "bad child" or that you are doing something wrong. Most toddler aggression decreases significantly as language skills improve and emotional regulation develops, typically between ages 3-4.

Key takeaways

  • Aggressive behavior at daycare - hitting, biting, pushing, or grabbing - is very common in toddlers, particularly between ages 1-3. Toddlers are still developing impulse control, emotional regulation, and communication skills, and they often resort to physical behavior when they are frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, or unable to express their needs verbally. This does not mean your toddler is a "bad child" or that you are doing something wrong. Most toddler aggression decreases significantly as language skills improve and emotional regulation develops, typically between ages 3-4.
  • Usually normal when: Occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate
  • Call your doctor if: Your child is causing significant injury to other children

Parents everywhere have the same worry. You are doing the right thing by looking into it.

What Parents Should Know

According to AAP, CDC, NIH guidelines, aggressive behavior at daycare - hitting, biting, pushing, or grabbing - is very common in toddlers, particularly between ages 1-3. Toddlers are still developing impulse control, emotional regulation, and communication skills, and they often resort to physical behavior when they are frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, or unable to express their needs verbally. This does not mean your toddler is a "bad child" or that you are doing something wrong. Most toddler aggression decreases significantly as language skills improve and emotional regulation develops, typically between ages 3-4. At 0-12 months, babies do not act with aggressive intent. A baby who grabs, pulls hair, or bites during play is exploring and does not understand they are causing pain. Gently stopping the behavior and saying "Ouch, that hurts" while modeling gentle touch ("gentle hands") is appropriate. If your baby is in a daycare setting and biting during teething, providing appropriate teething toys can help redirect the urge to bite. It is generally considered normal when occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child is causing significant injury to other children.

Sources: [1], [2], [3]

Normal vs. Concerning

Usually Normal
Worth Discussing
Occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate
Your child is causing significant injury to other children
Aggression that has identifiable triggers (sharing disputes, transitions, tiredness)
Aggression is sudden, severe, and out of character
Behavior that is improving gradually over time
The behavior is accompanied by developmental regression or other new concerning behaviors
Your child shows remorse or understanding when redirected ("We don't hit, hitting hurts")
Your child seems fearful, withdrawn, or is showing signs of being mistreated at daycare

By Age

What to expect by age

0-12 months

Babies do not act with aggressive intent. A baby who grabs, pulls hair, or bites during play is exploring and does not understand they are causing pain. Gently stopping the behavior and saying "Ouch, that hurts" while modeling gentle touch ("gentle hands") is appropriate. If your baby is in a daycare setting and biting during teething, providing appropriate teething toys can help redirect the urge to bite.

1-3 years

Toddler aggression in daycare is extremely common and usually peaks between 18-30 months. Common triggers include: not being able to communicate needs, difficulty sharing, transitions between activities, tiredness, hunger, overstimulation, and adjusting to the daycare environment. Work with daycare staff to identify triggers and patterns. At home, practice using words for emotions, role-play sharing, read books about feelings, and model gentle behavior. Ensure your child is getting enough sleep and food. Aggression that is persistent, severe, or not improving by age 3-4 may benefit from a behavioral consultation.

What to Tell Your Pediatrician

  • Describe when you first noticed toddler being aggressive at daycare and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if aggression is frequent and your child is at risk of being dismissed from daycare.
  • Mention if the behavior is not improving despite consistent strategies at home and daycare.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

What Should You Do?

When to take action

Probably normal when...
  • Occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate
  • Aggression that has identifiable triggers (sharing disputes, transitions, tiredness)
  • Behavior that is improving gradually over time
  • Your child shows remorse or understanding when redirected ("We don't hit, hitting hurts")
Mention at your next visit when...
  • Aggression is frequent and your child is at risk of being dismissed from daycare
  • The behavior is not improving despite consistent strategies at home and daycare
  • Your child seems to be targeting the same child repeatedly
  • Aggression is accompanied by other behavioral concerns (extreme defiance, destruction of property, hurting animals)
Act now when...
  • Your child is causing significant injury to other children
  • Aggression is sudden, severe, and out of character
  • The behavior is accompanied by developmental regression or other new concerning behaviors
  • Your child seems fearful, withdrawn, or is showing signs of being mistreated at daycare

What You Can Do at Home

  • Keep track of when you notice toddler being aggressive at daycare — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
  • Remember that occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate — this is generally within the range of normal.
  • At 0-12 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
  • Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
  • While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child is causing significant injury to other children.

Toddler Biting

Biting is one of the most common and developmentally normal behaviors in toddlers, especially between 12 and 36 months. It usually happens because toddlers lack the language skills to express frustration, excitement, or sensory needs. While it can feel alarming, most children outgrow biting as their communication skills develop.

Toddler Hitting

Hitting is a very normal part of toddler development and does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are doing something wrong. Toddlers hit because their brains are still developing impulse control and they lack the language to express big feelings. With consistent, calm guidance, most children learn better ways to cope by age 3-4.

Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns

Tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes.

Toddler Not Playing With Other Children

It is completely normal for toddlers to not play cooperatively with other children. Most toddlers engage in "parallel play" - playing alongside other children rather than with them. True cooperative play (sharing toys, taking turns, playing together toward a common goal) does not typically develop until ages 3-4. A toddler who plays near other children, watches what they are doing, and occasionally interacts is developing normally. Toddlers who prefer playing alone or who are shy around peers are usually showing normal temperament variation, not a social development problem.

Milestone

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Guide

When to Call the Doctor

General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.

Frequently asked questions

Is toddler being aggressive at daycare normal?
Aggressive behavior at daycare - hitting, biting, pushing, or grabbing - is very common in toddlers, particularly between ages 1-3. Toddlers are still developing impulse control, emotional regulation, and communication skills, and they often resort to physical behavior when they are frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, or unable to express their needs verbally. This does not mean your toddler is a "bad child" or that you are doing something wrong. Most toddler aggression decreases significantly as language skills improve and emotional regulation develops, typically between ages 3-4.
When should I call the doctor about toddler being aggressive at daycare?
Your child is causing significant injury to other children Aggression is sudden, severe, and out of character The behavior is accompanied by developmental regression or other new concerning behaviors
When is toddler being aggressive at daycare normal?
Occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate Aggression that has identifiable triggers (sharing disputes, transitions, tiredness) Behavior that is improving gradually over time
What causes toddler being aggressive at daycare?
Aggressive behavior at daycare - hitting, biting, pushing, or grabbing - is very common in toddlers, particularly between ages 1-3. Toddlers are still developing impulse control, emotional regulation, and communication skills, and they often resort to physical behavior when they are frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, or unable to express their needs verbally. This does not mean your toddler is a "bad child" or that you are doing something wrong. Most toddler aggression decreases significantly as language skills improve and emotional regulation develops, typically between ages 3-4. Common explanations include: Occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate. Aggression that has identifiable triggers (sharing disputes, transitions, tiredness).
What should I mention to my pediatrician about toddler being aggressive at daycare?
You should mention toddler being aggressive at daycare at your next visit if: Aggression is frequent and your child is at risk of being dismissed from daycare. The behavior is not improving despite consistent strategies at home and daycare. Your child seems to be targeting the same child repeatedly.
Is toddler being aggressive at daycare normal at 0-12 months?
Babies do not act with aggressive intent. A baby who grabs, pulls hair, or bites during play is exploring and does not understand they are causing pain. Gently stopping the behavior and saying "Ouch, that hurts" while modeling gentle touch ("gentle hands") is appropriate. If your baby is in a daycare setting and biting during teething, providing appropriate teething toys can help redirect the urge to bite.
Is toddler being aggressive at daycare normal at 1-3 years?
Toddler aggression in daycare is extremely common and usually peaks between 18-30 months. Common triggers include: not being able to communicate needs, difficulty sharing, transitions between activities, tiredness, hunger, overstimulation, and adjusting to the daycare environment. Work with daycare staff to identify triggers and patterns. At home, practice using words for emotions, role-play sharing, read books about feelings, and model gentle behavior. Ensure your child is getting enough sleep and food. Aggression that is persistent, severe, or not improving by age 3-4 may benefit from a behavioral consultation.
Should I go to the ER for toddler being aggressive at daycare?
Seek emergency care if your child is causing significant injury to other children, or if aggression is sudden, severe, and out of character. When in doubt, call your pediatrician's after-hours line for guidance.
Does toddler being aggressive at daycare go away on its own?
In many cases, toddler being aggressive at daycare resolves on its own, especially when occasional hitting, pushing, or biting in a toddler under 3 who is still learning to communicate.
AAPCDCNIH

References

  1. [1]American Academy of Pediatrics. Aggressive Behavior. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
  2. [2]Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Positive Parenting Tips for Toddlers. CDC
  3. [3]National Library of Medicine. Aggression in Young Children. NIH

Doctor Visit Checklist

Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Toddler Being Aggressive at Daycare.

Things to mention

  • Describe when you first noticed toddler being aggressive at daycare and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if aggression is frequent and your child is at risk of being dismissed from daycare.
  • Mention if the behavior is not improving despite consistent strategies at home and daycare.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

Observations to share

  • Aggression is frequent and your child is at risk of being dismissed from daycare
  • The behavior is not improving despite consistent strategies at home and daycare
  • Your child seems to be targeting the same child repeatedly

Urgent signs to report immediately

  • Your child is causing significant injury to other children
  • Aggression is sudden, severe, and out of character
  • The behavior is accompanied by developmental regression or other new concerning behaviors

My notes

From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides

All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.

2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members

Related Resources

Milestone ChecklistsEmergency ContactsBaby Tracker

Bottom line

Most cases of toddler being aggressive at daycare are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child is causing significant injury to other children.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.

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Toddler Biting

Biting is one of the most common and developmentally normal behaviors in toddlers, especially between 12 and 36 months. It usually happens because toddlers lack the language skills to express frustration, excitement, or sensory needs. While it can feel alarming, most children outgrow biting as their communication skills develop.

Toddler Hitting

Hitting is a very normal part of toddler development and does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are doing something wrong. Toddlers hit because their brains are still developing impulse control and they lack the language to express big feelings. With consistent, calm guidance, most children learn better ways to cope by age 3-4.

Toddler Tantrums and Meltdowns

Tantrums are a completely normal and expected part of development, peaking between ages 1.5 and 3. They happen because the emotional centers of your toddler's brain are developing faster than the parts that control reasoning and impulse regulation. On average, toddlers have one tantrum per day, and each typically lasts 2-15 minutes.

Toddler Not Playing With Other Children

It is completely normal for toddlers to not play cooperatively with other children. Most toddlers engage in "parallel play" - playing alongside other children rather than with them. True cooperative play (sharing toys, taking turns, playing together toward a common goal) does not typically develop until ages 3-4. A toddler who plays near other children, watches what they are doing, and occasionally interacts is developing normally. Toddlers who prefer playing alone or who are shy around peers are usually showing normal temperament variation, not a social development problem.

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