Toddler Hitting
Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist
Content reviewed against published AAP, CDC, AAP guidelines
Last reviewed:
Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed toddler hitting, here is what you need to know.
The short answer
Hitting is a very normal part of toddler development and does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are doing something wrong. Toddlers hit because their brains are still developing impulse control and they lack the language to express big feelings. With consistent, calm guidance, most children learn better ways to cope by age 3-4.
Key takeaways
- Hitting is a very normal part of toddler development and does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are doing something wrong. Toddlers hit because their brains are still developing impulse control and they lack the language to express big feelings. With consistent, calm guidance, most children learn better ways to cope by age 3-4.
- Usually normal when: Your toddler hits when frustrated, overwhelmed, or overtired - these are the most common triggers
- Call your doctor if: Your child hurts themselves intentionally - hitting their own head, biting themselves, or scratching - especially if it is escalating
- Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below
Parents everywhere have the same worry. You are doing the right thing by looking into it.
What Parents Should Know
According to AAP, CDC guidelines, hitting is a very normal part of toddler development and does not mean your child is aggressive or that you are doing something wrong. Toddlers hit because their brains are still developing impulse control and they lack the language to express big feelings. With consistent, calm guidance, most children learn better ways to cope by age 3-4. At 9-14 months, babies at this age often swing their arms and make contact with faces or bodies without any intent to hurt. They are experimenting with cause and effect - "I swing my arm, and something interesting happens!" Slapping or smacking your face may even be accompanied by giggles. A calm, neutral response helps them learn without reinforcing the behavior through big reactions. It is generally considered normal when your toddler hits when frustrated, overwhelmed, or overtired - these are the most common triggers. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child hurts themselves intentionally - hitting their own head, biting themselves, or scratching - especially if it is escalating.
Normal vs. Concerning
By Age
What to expect by age
9-14 months
Babies at this age often swing their arms and make contact with faces or bodies without any intent to hurt. They are experimenting with cause and effect - "I swing my arm, and something interesting happens!" Slapping or smacking your face may even be accompanied by giggles. A calm, neutral response helps them learn without reinforcing the behavior through big reactions.
14-24 months
This is when hitting most often becomes intentional, driven by frustration, wanting a toy, being told "no," or simply feeling overwhelmed. The prefrontal cortex - the part of the brain responsible for impulse control - is still very immature. Your toddler genuinely cannot stop themselves in the moment, even if they "know" hitting is wrong. Consistent responses like gently catching their hand and saying "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts" are most effective.
2-3 years
Hitting may continue but should start decreasing as language and emotional regulation develop. Two-year-olds are often caught between knowing the rule and being able to follow it. Keep teaching feeling words ("You're mad! You wanted that toy"), offer alternatives ("You can stomp your feet"), and stay calm. Progress may be slow but it is happening, even when it doesn't feel like it.
3-4 years
Most children hit much less frequently by age 3-4 as language and self-regulation improve. If hitting is still frequent, intense, or escalating at this age, it is a good idea to talk with your pediatrician. They can help determine if there are underlying factors like sensory needs, anxiety, or communication difficulties that would benefit from support.
What to Tell Your Pediatrician
- Describe when you first noticed toddler hitting and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if hitting is very frequent (many times daily) and is not improving despite weeks of consistent, calm responses.
- Mention if your child seems to hit without any identifiable trigger, not related to frustration, excitement, or social conflicts.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Your toddler hits when frustrated, overwhelmed, or overtired - these are the most common triggers
- Your baby smacks your face during play without seeming to understand it hurts
- Hitting happens occasionally but your child also shows affection, empathy, and is gradually improving with consistent guidance
- Your toddler is between 1-3 years old and the behavior is slowly decreasing over time
- Hitting is very frequent (many times daily) and is not improving despite weeks of consistent, calm responses
- Your child seems to hit without any identifiable trigger, not related to frustration, excitement, or social conflicts
- Your child is over 3 and still hitting regularly at home or at school or daycare
- Hitting is accompanied by other intense behaviors like severe tantrums, property destruction, or extreme difficulty with transitions
- Your child hurts themselves intentionally - hitting their own head, biting themselves, or scratching - especially if it is escalating
- Your child has injured another child or adult seriously (bruising, breaking skin) and does not seem distressed about it
- There is a sudden increase in aggressive behavior after a major life change, trauma, or alongside regression in other skills
What You Can Do at Home
- Keep track of when you notice toddler hitting — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
- Remember that your toddler hits when frustrated, overwhelmed, or overtired - these are the most common triggers — this is generally within the range of normal.
- At 9-14 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
- Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
- While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child hurts themselves intentionally - hitting their own head, biting themselves, or scratching - especially if it is escalating.
Related Resources
Milestone Checklists by Age
Track your baby's developmental milestones from birth to 5 years with age-specific checklists.
Month-by-Month Development
Detailed monthly development guides from birth through 24 months.
When to Call the Doctor
General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.
Frequently asked questions
Is toddler hitting normal?
When should I call the doctor about toddler hitting?
When is toddler hitting normal?
What causes toddler hitting?
What should I mention to my pediatrician about toddler hitting?
Is toddler hitting normal at 9-14 months?
Is toddler hitting normal at 14-24 months?
Should I go to the ER for toddler hitting?
Does toddler hitting go away on its own?
References
Doctor Visit Checklist
Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Toddler Hitting.
Things to mention
- Describe when you first noticed toddler hitting and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if hitting is very frequent (many times daily) and is not improving despite weeks of consistent, calm responses.
- Mention if your child seems to hit without any identifiable trigger, not related to frustration, excitement, or social conflicts.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
Observations to share
- Hitting is very frequent (many times daily) and is not improving despite weeks of consistent, calm responses
- Your child seems to hit without any identifiable trigger, not related to frustration, excitement, or social conflicts
- Your child is over 3 and still hitting regularly at home or at school or daycare
Urgent signs to report immediately
- Your child hurts themselves intentionally - hitting their own head, biting themselves, or scratching - especially if it is escalating
- Your child has injured another child or adult seriously (bruising, breaking skin) and does not seem distressed about it
- There is a sudden increase in aggressive behavior after a major life change, trauma, or alongside regression in other skills
My notes
From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides
All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.
2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members
Related Resources
Bottom line
Most cases of toddler hitting are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child hurts themselves intentionally - hitting their own head, biting themselves, or scratching - especially if it is escalating.
Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.
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