Behavior & Social

When Should Toddlers Learn to Share?

Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist

Content reviewed against published AAP, Zero to Three, NIH guidelines

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Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed when should toddlers learn to share, here is what you need to know.

The short answer

True sharing - voluntarily giving something to someone else with the understanding they will enjoy it - does not develop until around age 3-4. Before that, toddlers are not developmentally capable of genuine sharing because they lack the cognitive ability to understand another person's perspective. Forcing a toddler to share before they are ready can actually backfire. Instead, teach turn-taking, which is a precursor to sharing.

Key takeaways

  • True sharing - voluntarily giving something to someone else with the understanding they will enjoy it - does not develop until around age 3-4. Before that, toddlers are not developmentally capable of genuine sharing because they lack the cognitive ability to understand another person's perspective. Forcing a toddler to share before they are ready can actually backfire. Instead, teach turn-taking, which is a precursor to sharing.
  • Usually normal when: Toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal
  • Call your doctor if: Your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing
  • Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below

Thousands of parents search for this exact thing. You are not alone.

What Parents Should Know

According to AAP, Zero to Three, NIH guidelines, true sharing - voluntarily giving something to someone else with the understanding they will enjoy it - does not develop until around age 3-4. Before that, toddlers are not developmentally capable of genuine sharing because they lack the cognitive ability to understand another person's perspective. Forcing a toddler to share before they are ready can actually backfire. Instead, teach turn-taking, which is a precursor to sharing. At 12-24 months, toddlers this age are in the "mine" stage. They are just developing a sense of ownership and self. Expecting sharing at this age is like expecting them to do algebra. Instead, have duplicates of popular toys when possible and narrate turn-taking: "First your turn, then their turn.". It is generally considered normal when toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing.

Sources: [1], [2], [3]

Normal vs. Concerning

Usually Normal
Worth Discussing
Toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal
Your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing
Your child shares sometimes but not always
Social interactions are consistently negative and your child has no positive peer relationships
Turn-taking is easier than true sharing
Your child has no interest in other children at all by age 3
Your child shares more with familiar people
Your child is aggressive when asked to share and cannot be redirected

By Age

What to expect by age

12-24 months

Toddlers this age are in the "mine" stage. They are just developing a sense of ownership and self. Expecting sharing at this age is like expecting them to do algebra. Instead, have duplicates of popular toys when possible and narrate turn-taking: "First your turn, then their turn."

2-3 years

Parallel play is normal - playing alongside other children without truly sharing. Your child may offer a toy briefly but grab it back. This is normal. Practice turn-taking with timers: "You can use it until the timer rings, then it is their turn." Avoid forcing sharing of comfort objects.

3-4 years

True sharing begins to emerge. Your child can start to understand that sharing makes others happy. Model sharing in your own life: "I am sharing my snack with you because I love you." Praise voluntary sharing without demanding it.

4-5 years

Most children can share willingly much of the time, though they may still struggle with favorite items. Cooperative play increases. If your child still has significant difficulty sharing at this age, it may be worth discussing social skills development with your pediatrician.

What to Tell Your Pediatrician

  • Describe when you first noticed when should toddlers learn to share and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if your child has no interest in other children at all by age 3.
  • Mention if your child is aggressive when asked to share and cannot be redirected.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

What Should You Do?

When to take action

Probably normal when...
  • Toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal
  • Your child shares sometimes but not always
  • Turn-taking is easier than true sharing
  • Your child shares more with familiar people
Mention at your next visit when...
  • Your child has no interest in other children at all by age 3
  • Your child is aggressive when asked to share and cannot be redirected
  • Sharing difficulties are causing major social problems at preschool
  • Your child shows no awareness of others' feelings by age 4
Act now when...
  • Your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing
  • Social interactions are consistently negative and your child has no positive peer relationships

What You Can Do at Home

  • Keep track of when you notice when should toddlers learn to share — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
  • Remember that toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal — this is generally within the range of normal.
  • At 12-24 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
  • Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
  • While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing.

The "Mine!" Phase: Toddler Possessiveness

The "mine" phase is a healthy developmental stage that typically peaks between ages 18 months and 3 years. Your toddler is developing a sense of self and ownership, which is a crucial cognitive milestone. Understanding "mine" is actually a prerequisite for learning to share - you cannot give something away unless you first understand that it belongs to you. This phase passes as your child develops empathy and sharing skills.

When Do Toddlers Develop Empathy?

Empathy develops gradually through childhood and is not fully mature until adolescence. Toddlers show the earliest signs of empathy around 18-24 months when they may become upset seeing someone else cry or offer their own comfort object to a distressed person. True cognitive empathy - understanding how someone else feels and why - does not develop until around age 4-5. Your toddler is not lacking empathy; it simply has not developed yet.

Toddler Is Bossy with Friends

Bossiness in young children is often a sign of developing leadership skills, a strong personality, and emerging social awareness. Your child is learning how social hierarchies work and experimenting with influence. The goal is not to squash this trait but to channel it - helping your child learn to lead with kindness, include others' ideas, and take turns being the decision-maker.

Toddler Is Excluded from Play by Other Children

Seeing your child excluded from play is heartbreaking. Some exclusion is a normal part of learning social dynamics - children are still developing the skills to include everyone. However, if your child is consistently excluded, it is worth investigating why and helping them develop social skills. Children who are excluded may need coaching on how to enter play, how to be flexible, or may have social communication differences worth exploring.

Milestone

Month-by-Month Development

Detailed monthly development guides from birth through 24 months.

Guide

When to Call the Doctor

General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.

Frequently asked questions

Is when should toddlers learn to share normal?
True sharing - voluntarily giving something to someone else with the understanding they will enjoy it - does not develop until around age 3-4. Before that, toddlers are not developmentally capable of genuine sharing because they lack the cognitive ability to understand another person's perspective. Forcing a toddler to share before they are ready can actually backfire. Instead, teach turn-taking, which is a precursor to sharing.
When should I call the doctor about when should toddlers learn to share?
Your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing Social interactions are consistently negative and your child has no positive peer relationships
When is when should toddlers learn to share normal?
Toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal Your child shares sometimes but not always Turn-taking is easier than true sharing
What causes when should toddlers learn to share?
True sharing - voluntarily giving something to someone else with the understanding they will enjoy it - does not develop until around age 3-4. Before that, toddlers are not developmentally capable of genuine sharing because they lack the cognitive ability to understand another person's perspective. Forcing a toddler to share before they are ready can actually backfire. Instead, teach turn-taking, which is a precursor to sharing. Common explanations include: Toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal. Your child shares sometimes but not always.
What should I mention to my pediatrician about when should toddlers learn to share?
You should mention when should toddlers learn to share at your next visit if: Your child has no interest in other children at all by age 3. Your child is aggressive when asked to share and cannot be redirected. Sharing difficulties are causing major social problems at preschool.
Is when should toddlers learn to share normal at 12-24 months?
Toddlers this age are in the "mine" stage. They are just developing a sense of ownership and self. Expecting sharing at this age is like expecting them to do algebra. Instead, have duplicates of popular toys when possible and narrate turn-taking: "First your turn, then their turn."
Is when should toddlers learn to share normal at 2-3 years?
Parallel play is normal - playing alongside other children without truly sharing. Your child may offer a toy briefly but grab it back. This is normal. Practice turn-taking with timers: "You can use it until the timer rings, then it is their turn." Avoid forcing sharing of comfort objects.
Should I go to the ER for when should toddlers learn to share?
Seek emergency care if your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing, or if social interactions are consistently negative and your child has no positive peer relationships. When in doubt, call your pediatrician's after-hours line for guidance.
Does when should toddlers learn to share go away on its own?
In many cases, when should toddlers learn to share resolves on its own, especially when toddlers under age 3 do not share well - this is developmentally normal. By 4-5 years, most children can share willingly much of the time, though they may still struggle with favorite items. Cooperative play increases. If your child still has significant difficulty sharing at this age, it may be worth discussing social skills development with your pediatrician.
AAPZERO TO THREENIH

References

  1. [1]American Academy of Pediatrics. Social Development in Preschoolers. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
  2. [2]Zero to Three. Sharing: How to Teach It. Zero to Three
  3. [3]Brownell CA et al. Socialization of early prosocial behavior. Child Dev. 2013;84(4):1236-1251. NIH

Doctor Visit Checklist

Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss When Should Toddlers Learn to Share?.

Things to mention

  • Describe when you first noticed when should toddlers learn to share and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if your child has no interest in other children at all by age 3.
  • Mention if your child is aggressive when asked to share and cannot be redirected.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

Observations to share

  • Your child has no interest in other children at all by age 3
  • Your child is aggressive when asked to share and cannot be redirected
  • Sharing difficulties are causing major social problems at preschool

Urgent signs to report immediately

  • Your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing
  • Social interactions are consistently negative and your child has no positive peer relationships

My notes

From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides

All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.

2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members

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Bottom line

Most cases of when should toddlers learn to share are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child is physically aggressive toward other children over sharing.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.

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The "Mine!" Phase: Toddler Possessiveness

The "mine" phase is a healthy developmental stage that typically peaks between ages 18 months and 3 years. Your toddler is developing a sense of self and ownership, which is a crucial cognitive milestone. Understanding "mine" is actually a prerequisite for learning to share - you cannot give something away unless you first understand that it belongs to you. This phase passes as your child develops empathy and sharing skills.

When Do Toddlers Develop Empathy?

Empathy develops gradually through childhood and is not fully mature until adolescence. Toddlers show the earliest signs of empathy around 18-24 months when they may become upset seeing someone else cry or offer their own comfort object to a distressed person. True cognitive empathy - understanding how someone else feels and why - does not develop until around age 4-5. Your toddler is not lacking empathy; it simply has not developed yet.

Toddler Is Bossy with Friends

Bossiness in young children is often a sign of developing leadership skills, a strong personality, and emerging social awareness. Your child is learning how social hierarchies work and experimenting with influence. The goal is not to squash this trait but to channel it - helping your child learn to lead with kindness, include others' ideas, and take turns being the decision-maker.

Toddler Is Excluded from Play by Other Children

Seeing your child excluded from play is heartbreaking. Some exclusion is a normal part of learning social dynamics - children are still developing the skills to include everyone. However, if your child is consistently excluded, it is worth investigating why and helping them develop social skills. Children who are excluded may need coaching on how to enter play, how to be flexible, or may have social communication differences worth exploring.

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