Behavior & Social

When Do Toddlers Develop Empathy?

Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist

Content reviewed against published Zero to Three, AAP, NIH guidelines

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Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed when do toddlers develop empathy, here is what you need to know.

The short answer

Empathy develops gradually through childhood and is not fully mature until adolescence. Toddlers show the earliest signs of empathy around 18-24 months when they may become upset seeing someone else cry or offer their own comfort object to a distressed person. True cognitive empathy - understanding how someone else feels and why - does not develop until around age 4-5. Your toddler is not lacking empathy; it simply has not developed yet.

Key takeaways

  • Empathy develops gradually through childhood and is not fully mature until adolescence. Toddlers show the earliest signs of empathy around 18-24 months when they may become upset seeing someone else cry or offer their own comfort object to a distressed person. True cognitive empathy - understanding how someone else feels and why - does not develop until around age 4-5. Your toddler is not lacking empathy; it simply has not developed yet.
  • Usually normal when: Toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing
  • Call your doctor if: Your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress
  • Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below

This is one of the most common questions parents ask. Searching for answers means you care.

What Parents Should Know

According to Zero to Three, AAP, NIH guidelines, empathy develops gradually through childhood and is not fully mature until adolescence. Toddlers show the earliest signs of empathy around 18-24 months when they may become upset seeing someone else cry or offer their own comfort object to a distressed person. True cognitive empathy - understanding how someone else feels and why - does not develop until around age 4-5. Your toddler is not lacking empathy; it simply has not developed yet. At 0-12 months, babies show "emotional contagion" - they cry when they hear other babies cry. This is a precursor to empathy but is not true empathy. They are responding to the distress signal, not understanding the other baby's feelings. It is generally considered normal when toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress.

Sources: [1], [2], [3]

Normal vs. Concerning

Usually Normal
Worth Discussing
Toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing
Your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress
Your child comforts others using their own comfort strategies
Complete absence of emotional connection with caregivers
Empathy is inconsistent - sometimes present, sometimes absent
Your child shows no signs of empathy by age 3
Your child shows more empathy toward familiar people
Your child seems to enjoy causing distress in others

By Age

What to expect by age

0-12 months

Babies show "emotional contagion" - they cry when they hear other babies cry. This is a precursor to empathy but is not true empathy. They are responding to the distress signal, not understanding the other baby's feelings.

12-24 months

Early empathy emerges. Your toddler may look concerned when someone cries, bring their own blanket to comfort you, or pat a crying friend. They are beginning to recognize distress in others but respond with what comforts them, not what might comfort the other person.

2-3 years

Empathy develops further. Your child starts to understand that others have different feelings than they do. They may say "sad" when they see someone crying. Help by narrating: "Your friend is crying because she fell down. She feels sad. What could we do to help?"

3-5 years

Cognitive empathy begins to develop. Your child can start imagining how someone else feels and may adjust their behavior accordingly. They can comfort others more effectively. Continue building empathy through books, role-play, and conversations about feelings.

What to Tell Your Pediatrician

  • Describe when you first noticed when do toddlers develop empathy and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if your child shows no signs of empathy by age 3.
  • Mention if your child seems to enjoy causing distress in others.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

What Should You Do?

When to take action

Probably normal when...
  • Toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing
  • Your child comforts others using their own comfort strategies
  • Empathy is inconsistent - sometimes present, sometimes absent
  • Your child shows more empathy toward familiar people
Mention at your next visit when...
  • Your child shows no signs of empathy by age 3
  • Your child seems to enjoy causing distress in others
  • There is a complete lack of emotional response to others' pain or crying
  • Your child does not seem to recognize basic emotions in others by age 3-4
Act now when...
  • Your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress
  • Complete absence of emotional connection with caregivers

What You Can Do at Home

  • Keep track of when you notice when do toddlers develop empathy — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
  • Remember that toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing — this is generally within the range of normal.
  • At 0-12 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
  • Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
  • While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress.

When Should Toddlers Learn to Share?

True sharing - voluntarily giving something to someone else with the understanding they will enjoy it - does not develop until around age 3-4. Before that, toddlers are not developmentally capable of genuine sharing because they lack the cognitive ability to understand another person's perspective. Forcing a toddler to share before they are ready can actually backfire. Instead, teach turn-taking, which is a precursor to sharing.

Building Emotional Intelligence in Toddlers

Emotional intelligence (EQ) - the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in yourself and others - begins developing in early childhood. You build your toddler's EQ every time you name their feelings, validate their experience, help them understand others' emotions, and model healthy emotional expression yourself. This is one of the most important gifts you can give your child.

Teaching Toddlers Gentle Hands and Gentle Touch

Teaching "gentle hands" is one of the most important and most repeated lessons of the toddler years. Young children genuinely do not understand their own strength or that their actions cause pain. Gentle touch must be actively taught and demonstrated hundreds of times. It is a skill that develops gradually through patient, consistent modeling and practice - not through punishment.

When Toddlers Start Lying: Is It Normal?

Lying actually requires sophisticated cognitive abilities including understanding that other people have different knowledge than you do (theory of mind), imagining an alternative reality, and controlling your expression. When your toddler first lies (typically around age 2-3), it is actually a cognitive milestone, not a moral failing. Most early lies are wish fulfillment ("I did not eat the cookie" while covered in crumbs) or fantasy, not calculated deception.

Milestone

Month-by-Month Development

Detailed monthly development guides from birth through 24 months.

Guide

When to Call the Doctor

General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.

Frequently asked questions

Is when do toddlers develop empathy normal?
Empathy develops gradually through childhood and is not fully mature until adolescence. Toddlers show the earliest signs of empathy around 18-24 months when they may become upset seeing someone else cry or offer their own comfort object to a distressed person. True cognitive empathy - understanding how someone else feels and why - does not develop until around age 4-5. Your toddler is not lacking empathy; it simply has not developed yet.
When should I call the doctor about when do toddlers develop empathy?
Your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress Complete absence of emotional connection with caregivers
When is when do toddlers develop empathy normal?
Toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing Your child comforts others using their own comfort strategies Empathy is inconsistent - sometimes present, sometimes absent
What causes when do toddlers develop empathy?
Empathy develops gradually through childhood and is not fully mature until adolescence. Toddlers show the earliest signs of empathy around 18-24 months when they may become upset seeing someone else cry or offer their own comfort object to a distressed person. True cognitive empathy - understanding how someone else feels and why - does not develop until around age 4-5. Your toddler is not lacking empathy; it simply has not developed yet. Common explanations include: Toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing. Your child comforts others using their own comfort strategies.
What should I mention to my pediatrician about when do toddlers develop empathy?
You should mention when do toddlers develop empathy at your next visit if: Your child shows no signs of empathy by age 3. Your child seems to enjoy causing distress in others. There is a complete lack of emotional response to others' pain or crying.
Is when do toddlers develop empathy normal at 0-12 months?
Babies show "emotional contagion" - they cry when they hear other babies cry. This is a precursor to empathy but is not true empathy. They are responding to the distress signal, not understanding the other baby's feelings.
Is when do toddlers develop empathy normal at 12-24 months?
Early empathy emerges. Your toddler may look concerned when someone cries, bring their own blanket to comfort you, or pat a crying friend. They are beginning to recognize distress in others but respond with what comforts them, not what might comfort the other person.
Should I go to the ER for when do toddlers develop empathy?
Seek emergency care if your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress, or if complete absence of emotional connection with caregivers. When in doubt, call your pediatrician's after-hours line for guidance.
Does when do toddlers develop empathy go away on its own?
In many cases, when do toddlers develop empathy resolves on its own, especially when toddlers show limited empathy - it is still developing. By 3-5 years, cognitive empathy begins to develop. Your child can start imagining how someone else feels and may adjust their behavior accordingly. They can comfort others more effectively. Continue building empathy through books, role-play, and conversations about feelings.
ZERO TO THREEAAPNIH

References

  1. [1]Zero to Three. How Empathy Develops. Zero to Three
  2. [2]American Academy of Pediatrics. Emotional Development. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
  3. [3]Decety J, Svetlova M. Putting together phylogenetic and ontogenetic perspectives on empathy. Dev Cogn Neurosci. 2012;2(1):1-24. NIH

Doctor Visit Checklist

Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss When Do Toddlers Develop Empathy?.

Things to mention

  • Describe when you first noticed when do toddlers develop empathy and how it has changed over time.
  • Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
  • Mention if your child shows no signs of empathy by age 3.
  • Mention if your child seems to enjoy causing distress in others.
  • Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
  • Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

Observations to share

  • Your child shows no signs of empathy by age 3
  • Your child seems to enjoy causing distress in others
  • There is a complete lack of emotional response to others' pain or crying

Urgent signs to report immediately

  • Your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress
  • Complete absence of emotional connection with caregivers

My notes

From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides

All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.

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Bottom line

Most cases of when do toddlers develop empathy are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child deliberately hurts others and shows pleasure in their distress.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.

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When Should Toddlers Learn to Share?

True sharing - voluntarily giving something to someone else with the understanding they will enjoy it - does not develop until around age 3-4. Before that, toddlers are not developmentally capable of genuine sharing because they lack the cognitive ability to understand another person's perspective. Forcing a toddler to share before they are ready can actually backfire. Instead, teach turn-taking, which is a precursor to sharing.

Building Emotional Intelligence in Toddlers

Emotional intelligence (EQ) - the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in yourself and others - begins developing in early childhood. You build your toddler's EQ every time you name their feelings, validate their experience, help them understand others' emotions, and model healthy emotional expression yourself. This is one of the most important gifts you can give your child.

Teaching Toddlers Gentle Hands and Gentle Touch

Teaching "gentle hands" is one of the most important and most repeated lessons of the toddler years. Young children genuinely do not understand their own strength or that their actions cause pain. Gentle touch must be actively taught and demonstrated hundreds of times. It is a skill that develops gradually through patient, consistent modeling and practice - not through punishment.

When Toddlers Start Lying: Is It Normal?

Lying actually requires sophisticated cognitive abilities including understanding that other people have different knowledge than you do (theory of mind), imagining an alternative reality, and controlling your expression. When your toddler first lies (typically around age 2-3), it is actually a cognitive milestone, not a moral failing. Most early lies are wish fulfillment ("I did not eat the cookie" while covered in crumbs) or fantasy, not calculated deception.

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