Toddler Hitting Parents
Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist
Content reviewed against published AAP, CDC, Zero to Three guidelines
Last reviewed:
Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed toddler hitting parents, here is what you need to know.
The short answer
Being hit by your toddler is one of the most upsetting experiences in parenting, but it is also one of the most common and normal behaviors between 12 and 36 months. Toddlers hit the people they feel safest with - usually their parents - because they feel secure enough to express their biggest, most overwhelming emotions. They are not being "bad" or intentionally hurtful. They are showing you that their feelings are too big for their small bodies and limited vocabulary to handle. This behavior improves with consistent, calm responses as language and emotional regulation develop.
Key takeaways
- Being hit by your toddler is one of the most upsetting experiences in parenting, but it is also one of the most common and normal behaviors between 12 and 36 months. Toddlers hit the people they feel safest with - usually their parents - because they feel secure enough to express their biggest, most overwhelming emotions. They are not being "bad" or intentionally hurtful. They are showing you that their feelings are too big for their small bodies and limited vocabulary to handle. This behavior improves with consistent, calm responses as language and emotional regulation develop.
- Usually normal when: Your toddler is between 12 and 36 months and hits mainly during tantrums or when told "no"
- Call your doctor if: Your child's aggression is causing injury, is escalating in severity, and you are struggling to keep everyone safe
- Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below
Thousands of parents search for this exact thing. You are not alone.
What Parents Should Know
According to AAP, CDC, Zero to Three guidelines, being hit by your toddler is one of the most upsetting experiences in parenting, but it is also one of the most common and normal behaviors between 12 and 36 months. Toddlers hit the people they feel safest with - usually their parents - because they feel secure enough to express their biggest, most overwhelming emotions. They are not being "bad" or intentionally hurtful. They are showing you that their feelings are too big for their small bodies and limited vocabulary to handle. This behavior improves with consistent, calm responses as language and emotional regulation develop. At 10-18 months, babies and young toddlers often hit, slap, or grab faces without understanding that it hurts. At this age, hitting is often experimental or happens during moments of excitement. Calmly catch their hand, say "Gentle hands" or "That hurts," and show them how to touch gently. Keep your response brief and neutral - a big reaction can make the behavior more interesting to repeat. It is generally considered normal when your toddler is between 12 and 36 months and hits mainly during tantrums or when told "no". However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child's aggression is causing injury, is escalating in severity, and you are struggling to keep everyone safe.
Normal vs. Concerning
By Age
What to expect by age
10-18 months
Babies and young toddlers often hit, slap, or grab faces without understanding that it hurts. At this age, hitting is often experimental or happens during moments of excitement. Calmly catch their hand, say "Gentle hands" or "That hurts," and show them how to touch gently. Keep your response brief and neutral - a big reaction can make the behavior more interesting to repeat.
18 months - 2.5 years
This is the peak age for hitting parents. Your toddler is experiencing frustration, anger, and disappointment but has almost no ability to regulate these emotions or express them with words. When your toddler hits, get down to their level, gently hold their hands if needed, and say "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts." Then name their emotion: "You are really angry because I said no more crackers." Consistency is everything - the same calm response every single time.
2.5-3.5 years
As language grows, hitting should decrease. Your child may still lash out during intense moments, but they should be developing the ability to use words some of the time. Coach them on what to do instead: "When you feel angry, you can stomp your feet, squeeze your hands, or tell me 'I am mad!'" Praise every attempt to use words instead of hitting, even if the words are not perfectly calm.
3.5-4+ years
Most children significantly reduce hitting parents by this age. If your child is still frequently and intensely hitting you, especially if the aggression is escalating, seems deliberate, and is not responding to consistent strategies, discuss it with your pediatrician. They can help evaluate whether additional support, such as behavioral therapy or assessment for underlying emotional difficulties, would be helpful.
What to Tell Your Pediatrician
- Describe when you first noticed toddler hitting parents and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if hitting is frequent, intense, and not decreasing despite weeks of consistent calm responses and redirection.
- Mention if your child is over 3.5 and hitting is still a primary way they express emotions, with very little use of words.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Your toddler is between 12 and 36 months and hits mainly during tantrums or when told "no"
- Hitting is directed at the people your child feels safest with (usually parents) rather than peers or strangers
- Your child shows remorse afterward or can be redirected with consistent intervention
- Hitting is decreasing over time as language and emotional regulation improve
- The behavior is worse when your child is overtired, hungry, or overstimulated
- Hitting is frequent, intense, and not decreasing despite weeks of consistent calm responses and redirection
- Your child is over 3.5 and hitting is still a primary way they express emotions, with very little use of words
- Hitting is accompanied by other persistent aggressive behaviors that are escalating and happening across multiple settings
- Your child's aggression is causing injury, is escalating in severity, and you are struggling to keep everyone safe
- You find yourself losing control of your own responses to the hitting and need support - this is a sign of strength, not weakness, and your pediatrician can help connect you with resources
What You Can Do at Home
- Keep track of when you notice toddler hitting parents — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
- Remember that your toddler is between 12 and 36 months and hits mainly during tantrums or when told "no" — this is generally within the range of normal.
- At 10-18 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
- Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
- While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child's aggression is causing injury, is escalating in severity, and you are struggling to keep everyone safe.
Related Resources
Milestone Checklists by Age
Track your baby's developmental milestones from birth to 5 years with age-specific checklists.
Month-by-Month Development
Detailed monthly development guides from birth through 24 months.
When to Call the Doctor
General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.
Frequently asked questions
Is toddler hitting parents normal?
When should I call the doctor about toddler hitting parents?
When is toddler hitting parents normal?
What causes toddler hitting parents?
What should I mention to my pediatrician about toddler hitting parents?
Is toddler hitting parents normal at 10-18 months?
Is toddler hitting parents normal at 18 months - 2.5 years?
Should I go to the ER for toddler hitting parents?
Does toddler hitting parents go away on its own?
References
- [1]American Academy of Pediatrics. Aggressive Behavior. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
- [2]Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Positive Parenting Tips: Toddlers (1-2 years). CDC
- [3]Zero to Three. Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers. Zero to Three
Doctor Visit Checklist
Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Toddler Hitting Parents.
Things to mention
- Describe when you first noticed toddler hitting parents and how it has changed over time.
- Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
- Mention if hitting is frequent, intense, and not decreasing despite weeks of consistent calm responses and redirection.
- Mention if your child is over 3.5 and hitting is still a primary way they express emotions, with very little use of words.
- Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.
Observations to share
- Hitting is frequent, intense, and not decreasing despite weeks of consistent calm responses and redirection
- Your child is over 3.5 and hitting is still a primary way they express emotions, with very little use of words
- Hitting is accompanied by other persistent aggressive behaviors that are escalating and happening across multiple settings
Urgent signs to report immediately
- Your child's aggression is causing injury, is escalating in severity, and you are struggling to keep everyone safe
- You find yourself losing control of your own responses to the hitting and need support - this is a sign of strength, not weakness, and your pediatrician can help connect you with resources
My notes
From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides
All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.
2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members
Related Resources
Bottom line
Most cases of toddler hitting parents are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child's aggression is causing injury, is escalating in severity, and you are struggling to keep everyone safe.
Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.
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