Toddler Hitting Baby Sibling
The short answer
It is very common for toddlers to hit, push, or be rough with a baby sibling. Toddlers have limited impulse control and cannot fully understand that the baby is fragile. This behavior is usually driven by jealousy, frustration, curiosity, or a desire for attention rather than malice. Close supervision, calm redirection, and teaching gentle touch are the most effective strategies.
By Age
What to expect by age
In the early weeks, the older toddler may test boundaries with the new baby out of curiosity or jealousy. They may poke, pat too hard, or try to pick up the baby. Never leave the toddler and baby unsupervised, even briefly. Show the toddler how to touch gently and praise every positive interaction.
As the novelty of the baby wears off and the baby demands more attention, hitting may increase. The toddler may act out when you are feeding, holding, or soothing the baby. Try to involve the older child during baby care routines and provide special activities they can do nearby.
When the baby starts crawling and getting into the toddler's toys and space, physical aggression often peaks. The toddler may feel their territory is being invaded. Help the older child have a safe space for their belongings and supervise all interactions closely.
With both children mobile and competing for resources, physical conflicts become two-sided. Teaching both children about gentle hands, using simple emotion words, and modeling conflict resolution become essential daily practices. Hitting should gradually decrease as language and emotional regulation improve.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Your toddler occasionally hits, pushes, or is rough with the baby, especially during transitions or when the baby is getting attention
- The hitting is impulsive rather than planned, and your toddler shows some remorse or understanding when redirected
- Rough behavior decreases over time with consistent teaching and supervision
- Your toddler also shows affection toward the baby at other times
- Hitting is frequent, intense, and not improving despite consistent intervention over several weeks
- Your toddler seems to seek out the baby specifically to hurt them, even when they are not competing for attention or toys
- Your toddler shows no concern or remorse when the baby cries after being hit, even after being told they hurt the baby
- Your toddler has injured the baby or uses objects to hit the baby
- You feel unable to keep the baby safe from the older sibling despite constant supervision
Sources
Related Resources
Related Behavior Concerns
Sibling Rivalry in Toddlers
Sibling rivalry is a completely normal part of child development and is nearly universal in families with more than one child. Toddlers are naturally egocentric and have limited ability to share, take turns, or manage frustration — all of which fuel sibling conflict. While it can be exhausting for parents, most sibling rivalry decreases as children develop better language and emotional regulation skills.
New Sibling Adjustment and Regression
Behavioral regression after the arrival of a new sibling is one of the most common and predictable responses in toddlers. Children may temporarily lose skills they had mastered — such as toilet training, sleeping independently, or self-feeding — as a way of coping with the enormous change in their family. With patience and reassurance, most regressions resolve within a few weeks to a couple of months.
Aggressive Play vs Normal Play
Rough-and-tumble play — wrestling, chasing, play-fighting, and superhero battles — is a normal and important part of child development, particularly for toddlers and preschoolers. It helps children develop physical coordination, social skills, self-regulation, and an understanding of boundaries. The key distinction between normal rough play and concerning aggression is whether both children are having fun, there is turn-taking in roles, and no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other.
My Toddler Is Aggressive Toward Pets
Toddlers being rough with pets is extremely common and almost never reflects true aggression or cruelty. Young children lack the motor control to be consistently gentle and do not yet understand that animals feel pain the way they do. With patient, consistent teaching about gentle touch and close supervision, most toddlers learn to interact safely with pets by age 3-4.
My Baby Doesn't Seem Attached to Anyone
By 7-9 months, most babies show clear preferences for their primary caregivers and some wariness of unfamiliar people. If your baby seems equally comfortable with everyone and shows no distress when separated from caregivers, it may simply reflect an easy-going temperament. However, if combined with other social differences, it can occasionally warrant further discussion with your pediatrician.
Attachment Parenting Burnout
Attachment parenting principles (responsive feeding, babywearing, co-sleeping) can foster strong parent-child bonds, but the all-encompassing nature of the approach can lead to parental exhaustion and burnout, particularly for the primary caregiver. Research shows that secure attachment comes from being consistently responsive to your child — it does not require 24/7 physical proximity, exclusive breastfeeding, or co-sleeping. A burned-out, resentful parent is less able to provide the emotional responsiveness that is at the true heart of secure attachment.