Sibling Rivalry in Toddlers
The short answer
Sibling rivalry is a completely normal part of child development and is nearly universal in families with more than one child. Toddlers are naturally egocentric and have limited ability to share, take turns, or manage frustration — all of which fuel sibling conflict. While it can be exhausting for parents, most sibling rivalry decreases as children develop better language and emotional regulation skills.
By Age
What to expect by age
At this age, the baby is not an active participant in rivalry, but the older toddler may show jealousy through attention-seeking behavior, clinginess, or regression. Focus on making the older child feel included and maintaining their routines.
As the baby becomes more social and engaging, the older sibling may feel threatened by the attention the baby receives. Praise the older child for gentle interactions with the baby and create special one-on-one time to reinforce their importance in the family.
Once the baby starts crawling and grabbing toys, conflict often escalates. The older toddler may become frustrated when the baby touches their things. Provide safe spaces for the older child's special toys and teach basic boundaries while supervising closely.
When both children are mobile, rivalry intensifies as they compete for toys, space, and parental attention. This is the peak period for physical conflicts. Focus on teaching turn-taking, using simple language to label emotions, and intervening calmly before situations escalate. Improvement typically comes as language skills develop.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Your toddlers argue over toys, turns, or parental attention throughout the day
- There is occasional pushing, grabbing, or mild physical contact during disputes
- Your children alternate between playing happily together and fighting
- Rivalry increases when children are tired, hungry, or overstimulated
- One child is consistently the aggressor and the other seems fearful or withdrawn around their sibling
- Sibling conflict is so intense or frequent that it is affecting the emotional wellbeing of one or both children
- Your child's aggression toward a sibling is escalating in severity despite consistent intervention
- One child has caused a significant injury to a sibling, such as biting that breaks skin, hitting with objects, or any action requiring medical attention
- A child shows signs of emotional trauma from sibling interactions, including persistent fearfulness, nightmares, or avoidance behaviors
Sources
Related Resources
Related Behavior Concerns
New Sibling Adjustment and Regression
Behavioral regression after the arrival of a new sibling is one of the most common and predictable responses in toddlers. Children may temporarily lose skills they had mastered — such as toilet training, sleeping independently, or self-feeding — as a way of coping with the enormous change in their family. With patience and reassurance, most regressions resolve within a few weeks to a couple of months.
Toddler Hitting Baby Sibling
It is very common for toddlers to hit, push, or be rough with a baby sibling. Toddlers have limited impulse control and cannot fully understand that the baby is fragile. This behavior is usually driven by jealousy, frustration, curiosity, or a desire for attention rather than malice. Close supervision, calm redirection, and teaching gentle touch are the most effective strategies.
Toddler Not Sharing (Developmental)
Not sharing is completely normal for toddlers and is not a sign of selfishness or poor parenting. Children under age 3 are developmentally egocentric — they genuinely cannot understand another person's perspective or desires. True sharing, where a child voluntarily gives something to another because they understand the other child wants it, typically does not develop until age 3.5-4. Forcing toddlers to share can actually backfire.
Aggressive Play vs Normal Play
Rough-and-tumble play — wrestling, chasing, play-fighting, and superhero battles — is a normal and important part of child development, particularly for toddlers and preschoolers. It helps children develop physical coordination, social skills, self-regulation, and an understanding of boundaries. The key distinction between normal rough play and concerning aggression is whether both children are having fun, there is turn-taking in roles, and no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other.
My Toddler Is Aggressive Toward Pets
Toddlers being rough with pets is extremely common and almost never reflects true aggression or cruelty. Young children lack the motor control to be consistently gentle and do not yet understand that animals feel pain the way they do. With patient, consistent teaching about gentle touch and close supervision, most toddlers learn to interact safely with pets by age 3-4.
My Baby Doesn't Seem Attached to Anyone
By 7-9 months, most babies show clear preferences for their primary caregivers and some wariness of unfamiliar people. If your baby seems equally comfortable with everyone and shows no distress when separated from caregivers, it may simply reflect an easy-going temperament. However, if combined with other social differences, it can occasionally warrant further discussion with your pediatrician.