Behavior & Social

Toddler Hitting, Kicking, and Aggressive Behavior

Medically reviewed by Dr. Emily Torres, PhD, CCC-SLP · Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist

Content reviewed against published NIH, AAP, Zero to Three guidelines

Last reviewed: July 2026

Behavioral development varies greatly from child to child. If you have noticed toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior, here is what you need to know.

The short answer

Physical aggression (hitting, kicking, throwing, pushing) is developmentally normal in toddlers ages 1-3. Research shows that physical aggression actually peaks around age 2 and then decreases as children develop language and emotional regulation skills. Toddlers are not being "bad" - they are experiencing intense emotions with zero ability to regulate them. The prefrontal cortex (responsible for impulse control) does not fully mature until the mid-20s. Consistent, calm responses that acknowledge the emotion while setting the limit are the most effective approach.

Key takeaways

Physical aggression (hitting, kicking, throwing, pushing) is developmentally normal in toddlers ages 1-3. Research shows that physical aggression actually peaks around age 2 and then decreases as children develop language and emotional regulation skills. Toddlers are not being "bad" - they are experiencing intense emotions with zero ability to regulate them. The prefrontal cortex (responsible for impulse control) does not fully mature until the mid-20s. Consistent, calm responses that acknowledge the emotion while setting the limit are the most effective approach.
Usually normal when: Your toddler hits when frustrated but can be redirected and calms down
Call your doctor if: Your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes
Varies by age — see the age-by-age breakdown below

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What Parents Should Know

According to NIH, AAP, Zero to Three guidelines, physical aggression (hitting, kicking, throwing, pushing) is developmentally normal in toddlers ages 1-3. Research shows that physical aggression actually peaks around age 2 and then decreases as children develop language and emotional regulation skills. Toddlers are not being "bad" - they are experiencing intense emotions with zero ability to regulate them. The prefrontal cortex (responsible for impulse control) does not fully mature until the mid-20s. Consistent, calm responses that acknowledge the emotion while setting the limit are the most effective approach. At 12-18 months, hitting and pushing at this age are often experimental rather than aggressive - your toddler is learning about cause and effect and does not understand that their actions cause pain. They may also hit when frustrated because they have no words. Respond briefly and consistently: "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts. You can hit this pillow." Physical redirection (gently catching their hand) is more effective than verbal explanations at this age. Stay calm - a big reaction can actually reinforce the behavior. It is generally considered normal when your toddler hits when frustrated but can be redirected and calms down. However, you should contact your pediatrician promptly if your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes.

Sources: [1], [2], [3]

Normal vs. Concerning

Usually Normal

Worth Discussing

Your toddler hits when frustrated but can be redirected and calms down

Your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes

Hitting decreases as your child develops more language

Sudden onset of severe aggression in a previously calm child

Your child shows remorse or concern after hitting (at age 2.5+)

Aggression is accompanied by other concerning behaviors like fire-setting, cruelty to animals, or extreme defiance

Aggression is situational (triggered by identifiable causes) rather than constant

Your child hits, kicks, or bites multiple times daily and the frequency is not decreasing

By Age

What to expect by age

12-18 months

Hitting and pushing at this age are often experimental rather than aggressive - your toddler is learning about cause and effect and does not understand that their actions cause pain. They may also hit when frustrated because they have no words. Respond briefly and consistently: "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts. You can hit this pillow." Physical redirection (gently catching their hand) is more effective than verbal explanations at this age. Stay calm - a big reaction can actually reinforce the behavior.

18-24 months

This is the peak age for physical aggression. Your toddler hits, kicks, or pushes because they are frustrated, overwhelmed, overtired, hungry, or want something they cannot have. They may also hit when excited - they literally cannot control the impulse. Get down to their level, hold their hands gently, and say: "I can see you're frustrated. I won't let you hit." Then help them with the problem. Teaching them to stomp feet, squeeze hands, or say "mad!" gives them an alternative outlet.

2-3 years

Aggression should be decreasing as language develops. Your child should be starting to use words ("No!" "Mine!" "Stop!") instead of hitting some of the time. If aggression is increasing, evaluate the environment: Is the child overtired? Overstimulated? Getting enough one-on-one time? Watching aggressive content? Is there a new stressor (new sibling, move, daycare change)? Model calm conflict resolution and praise every instance of using words instead of hitting.

3-4 years

By age 3-4, most children can use words instead of physical aggression most of the time, though they may still hit occasionally when very overwhelmed. If your child is hitting daily, is aggressive toward animals, enjoys hurting others, or cannot be redirected, talk to your pediatrician. Persistent physical aggression beyond age 4 that is not decreasing may benefit from behavioral evaluation and support. Rule out underlying causes like sleep deprivation, sensory processing differences, or anxiety.

What to Tell Your Pediatrician

Describe when you first noticed toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior and how it has changed over time.
Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
Mention if your child hits, kicks, or bites multiple times daily and the frequency is not decreasing.
Mention if aggression is causing problems at daycare or with other children.
Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

What Should You Do?

When to take action

Probably normal when...

Your toddler hits when frustrated but can be redirected and calms down
Hitting decreases as your child develops more language
Your child shows remorse or concern after hitting (at age 2.5+)
Aggression is situational (triggered by identifiable causes) rather than constant

Mention at your next visit when...

Your child hits, kicks, or bites multiple times daily and the frequency is not decreasing
Aggression is causing problems at daycare or with other children
Your child seems to intentionally try to hurt others or shows no concern when they cause pain
You are struggling to stay calm during aggressive episodes and need support

Act now when...

Your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes
Sudden onset of severe aggression in a previously calm child
Aggression is accompanied by other concerning behaviors like fire-setting, cruelty to animals, or extreme defiance

What You Can Do at Home

Keep track of when you notice toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior — noting the time of day, duration, and any triggers can help your pediatrician.
Remember that your toddler hits when frustrated but can be redirected and calms down — this is generally within the range of normal.
At 12-18 months, focus on observation rather than intervention unless your pediatrician advises otherwise.
Respond consistently and calmly to your baby's behavior. Maintain predictable daily routines.
While monitoring at home, seek immediate care if your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes.

Toddler Biting at Daycare - Why and How to Stop It

Biting is one of the most common behavioral issues in toddlers aged 1-3, especially in group settings like daycare. Toddlers bite because they lack the language and impulse control to express big emotions (frustration, excitement, overwhelm, or a need for space). It is not a sign of aggression, bad parenting, or a future behavioral problem. Most children stop biting by age 3-3.5 as their language and emotional regulation skills develop. Consistent, calm responses from all caregivers are the key to reducing biting.

Toddler Having Constant Meltdowns

Tantrums are a normal part of toddler development - most 2-3 year olds have at least one tantrum per day. Meltdowns happen because toddlers feel big emotions (frustration, disappointment, overwhelm) but their prefrontal cortex is far too immature to regulate those emotions. However, when tantrums happen many times per day, last more than 25 minutes, are violent (self-injury, destruction), or persist beyond age 4 without decreasing, it may indicate that your child needs additional support for emotional regulation.

Toddler Destroying and Breaking Things on Purpose

Toddlers are naturally destructive because they are driven by curiosity, cause-and-effect learning, and limited understanding of consequences. Knocking down block towers, throwing food, ripping paper, and taking things apart are developmental activities, not behavioral problems. Your toddler is learning about physics, materials, and their own power. This becomes a concern when destruction is targeted and angry (deliberately destroying valued items during rage), is the primary play pattern with no constructive play, or escalates despite consistent limits.

Milestone

Milestone Checklists by Age

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Month-by-Month Development

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When to Call the Doctor

General guide on when to call the pediatrician, visit urgent care, or go to the ER.

Frequently asked questions

Is toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior normal?

When should I call the doctor about toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior?

Your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes Sudden onset of severe aggression in a previously calm child Aggression is accompanied by other concerning behaviors like fire-setting, cruelty to animals, or extreme defiance

When is toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior normal?

Your toddler hits when frustrated but can be redirected and calms down Hitting decreases as your child develops more language Your child shows remorse or concern after hitting (at age 2.5+)

What causes toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior?

What should I mention to my pediatrician about toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior?

You should mention toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior at your next visit if: Your child hits, kicks, or bites multiple times daily and the frequency is not decreasing. Aggression is causing problems at daycare or with other children. Your child seems to intentionally try to hurt others or shows no concern when they cause pain.

Is toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior normal at 12-18 months?

Is toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior normal at 18-24 months?

Should I go to the ER for toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior?

Seek emergency care if your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes, or if sudden onset of severe aggression in a previously calm child. When in doubt, call your pediatrician's after-hours line for guidance.

Does toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior go away on its own?

In many cases, toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior resolves on its own, especially when your toddler hits when frustrated but can be redirected and calms down. By 3-4 years, by age 3-4, most children can use words instead of physical aggression most of the time, though they may still hit occasionally when very overwhelmed. If your child is hitting daily, is aggressive toward animals, enjoys hurting others, or cannot be redirected, talk to your pediatrician. Persistent physical aggression beyond age 4 that is not decreasing may benefit from behavioral evaluation and support. Rule out underlying causes like sleep deprivation, sensory processing differences, or anxiety.

NIH AAP ZERO TO THREE

References

[1]Tremblay RE, et al. Physical Aggression During Early Childhood: Trajectories and Predictors. Pediatrics. 2004. NIH
[2]American Academy of Pediatrics. Aggressive Behavior. HealthyChildren.org. AAP
[3]Zero to Three. Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers. Zero to Three

Doctor Visit Checklist

Bring this checklist to your next pediatrician visit to discuss Toddler Hitting, Kicking, and Aggressive Behavior.

Things to mention

Describe when you first noticed toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior and how it has changed over time.
Note your baby's current age and which age-specific patterns you are seeing.
Mention if your child hits, kicks, or bites multiple times daily and the frequency is not decreasing.
Mention if aggression is causing problems at daycare or with other children.
Let your doctor know if you have noticed any related concerns, such as changes in feeding, sleep, or movement patterns.
Bring a list of any questions or observations you want to discuss at the appointment.

Observations to share

Your child hits, kicks, or bites multiple times daily and the frequency is not decreasing
Aggression is causing problems at daycare or with other children
Your child seems to intentionally try to hurt others or shows no concern when they cause pain

Urgent signs to report immediately

Your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes
Sudden onset of severe aggression in a previously calm child
Aggression is accompanied by other concerning behaviors like fire-setting, cruelty to animals, or extreme defiance

My notes

From ismybabyalright.com — free, evidence-based baby health guides

All content follows our editorial policy and is reviewed against published clinical guidelines.

2,705 evidence-based guides6 authoritative medical sources5 medical advisory board members

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Bottom line

Most cases of toddler hitting, kicking, and aggressive behavior are normal. Talk to your pediatrician if your child is injuring themselves or others seriously during aggressive episodes.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, reach out to your pediatrician. Worrying about your baby means you care — that is a good thing.

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