Toddler Being Bullied at Daycare
The short answer
True bullying — intentional, repeated aggression toward a specific target — is uncommon before age 3-4 because toddlers lack the social sophistication for deliberate, targeted behavior. What looks like "bullying" in toddlers is usually impulsive aggression (biting, hitting, pushing) that is part of normal but challenging developmental behavior. However, if your child is repeatedly targeted by the same child or seems fearful of attending daycare, the situation needs to be addressed with caregivers regardless of the label.
By Age
What to expect by age
Not applicable. Babies in group care at this age are not mobile enough to have peer aggression concerns.
Babies in group care may accidentally be grabbed or rolled on by older mobile infants. Daycare staff should maintain appropriate ratios and supervise closely.
As babies become mobile, grabbing, hair-pulling, and biting (often during teething) are common. These behaviors are not intentional aggression but rather exploration and frustration. Good daycare programs supervise closely and redirect these behaviors consistently.
Toddler aggression peaks between 18 months and 3 years. Biting, hitting, and pushing are common in group settings. If your child is frequently on the receiving end, work with daycare staff on a plan. This may include increased supervision, separating certain children during unstructured time, and teaching your child to say "Stop" and find an adult. If staff are dismissive of your concerns, escalate to the director.
What Should You Do?
When to take action
- Your toddler has occasional conflicts with peers at daycare — pushing, toy-grabbing, and even biting are common at this age
- The daycare communicates incidents to you and has clear strategies for managing aggression
- Your child continues to enjoy daycare overall despite occasional conflicts
- The aggressive behavior is not targeted — different children are involved at different times
- Your child is being repeatedly targeted by the same child and the daycare's interventions are not resolving the situation
- Your child is showing behavioral changes — reluctance to attend daycare, increased anxiety, sleep disruption, or aggression at home — that you believe are related to peer interactions at daycare
- Your child has recurrent bite marks, bruises, or injuries from daycare and you feel the supervision is inadequate
- Your child has a significant injury from another child that requires medical attention, such as a bite that breaks skin, a head injury, or an eye injury
- You suspect your child is being mistreated by a caregiver rather than (or in addition to) a peer — unexplained injuries, fearfulness of specific adults, or sudden behavioral changes require immediate investigation
Sources
Related Resources
Related Behavior Concerns
Toddler Exclusion by Peers
Peer exclusion in toddlers and young preschoolers is often a normal part of early social development rather than true bullying. Children ages 2-4 are still learning social skills and may exclude others unintentionally as they form early play partnerships. Some exclusion is also related to developmental differences in play style — a child who is still in parallel play may seem excluded from more interactive peers. Persistent, targeted exclusion warrants attention, but occasional exclusion is part of learning social navigation.
Aggressive Play vs Normal Play
Rough-and-tumble play — wrestling, chasing, play-fighting, and superhero battles — is a normal and important part of child development, particularly for toddlers and preschoolers. It helps children develop physical coordination, social skills, self-regulation, and an understanding of boundaries. The key distinction between normal rough play and concerning aggression is whether both children are having fun, there is turn-taking in roles, and no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other.
Daycare Separation Crying Duration
Crying at daycare drop-off is one of the most common experiences for both children and parents, and it is almost always temporary. Most children who cry at drop-off stop within 5-15 minutes after the parent leaves. The adjustment period for new daycare typically lasts 2-4 weeks, though some children take longer. Consistency is key — irregular attendance prolongs the adjustment. A confident, brief goodbye routine helps children learn that you always come back.
My Toddler Is Aggressive Toward Pets
Toddlers being rough with pets is extremely common and almost never reflects true aggression or cruelty. Young children lack the motor control to be consistently gentle and do not yet understand that animals feel pain the way they do. With patient, consistent teaching about gentle touch and close supervision, most toddlers learn to interact safely with pets by age 3-4.
My Baby Doesn't Seem Attached to Anyone
By 7-9 months, most babies show clear preferences for their primary caregivers and some wariness of unfamiliar people. If your baby seems equally comfortable with everyone and shows no distress when separated from caregivers, it may simply reflect an easy-going temperament. However, if combined with other social differences, it can occasionally warrant further discussion with your pediatrician.
Attachment Parenting Burnout
Attachment parenting principles (responsive feeding, babywearing, co-sleeping) can foster strong parent-child bonds, but the all-encompassing nature of the approach can lead to parental exhaustion and burnout, particularly for the primary caregiver. Research shows that secure attachment comes from being consistently responsive to your child — it does not require 24/7 physical proximity, exclusive breastfeeding, or co-sleeping. A burned-out, resentful parent is less able to provide the emotional responsiveness that is at the true heart of secure attachment.